


RWBY Kinky

by Lobb



Category: RWBY
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Gen, Snippets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2020-10-14 20:27:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 33,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20606813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lobb/pseuds/Lobb
Summary: A complete nonsense bunch of crack snippets to make you giggle inanely.  Includes some previews of things I've yet to write, and abandoned ideas.





	1. In Which We Make Fun of Jaune's Harem Protagonist Fanon

RWBY Kinky

A Dumb Parody RWBY Parody of Dumbness

“Jeez, Jaune. Why do you need Crocea Mors if you’ve got that sword in your pants?”

“Because this one only slays ladies, Yang.”

+x+x+x+

Nora, standing proudly above her Fearless Leader with her beloved Magnhild held against a shoulder, noted, “Is this the part where I make the “pounding you” joke?”

Jaune, incensed, noted, “Yes, Nora. Yes it is. Now please either hit me with your hammer so I can go blissfully into unconsciousness, or make combat skirts stop having whatever stupid thing they do where you can’t see panty-shots.”

+x+x+x+

Yang sat comfortably in a chair in front of Professor Goodwitch’s desk, her feet kicked up. “I gotta say, Teach, whoever designs Huntress lingerie deserves a medal.”

Despite it being detention, the blonde teacher could only nod, “Be glad. When I was a teen, they hadn’t mastered Dust infusions. Do you know how many women with a bra size above thirty-eight-C became Huntresses? I was one of three out of forty students, and all three of us got quite a few injuries as a result.”

Yang proudly thrust her chest out. “It hurts to be beautiful.”

+x+x+x+

Weiss quietly flipped through an issue of Rogue, tilting her head to a slight angle at one of the articles. Nearby, on the couch in the library, Blake and Jaune perused their own “literature” of choice.

“Jaune, have you ever considered dressing more suitably?” The blonde raised a brow, turning his gaze unto the Heiress. She opened up the magazine and showed the other two- as Blake’s attention had been caught- the image of a handsome blonde man in a designer suit.

“What do you mean, I wear the school uniform all the time, and the only thing that keeps that from being formal attire is that ugly vest. Seriously, checkerboard? Who does that?”

Weiss privately agreed, though it wasn’t the point she was getting at. “What I mean is, not that it would influence me towards positively responding to your advances, why do you wear such baggy jeans and that Gods-awfully baggy hoodie? It’s not as if you’re unattractive-” Jaune pouted, offended, “- but it certainly couldn’t hurt you to dress better.”

Blake was about to put her attention back on her book-

“Because it’s the only thing I can tuck into.”

And then her attention was gained again. “What?” Ah crap, there went her chance to keep reading.

“Yeah. Do you think the belts are a fashion statement? One to keep the pants up, the other to keep me presentable.”

Both girls started trying to do the mental math for how that sentence made sense.

Blake figured it out first, and promptly blushed sixteen different shades of red. She wouldn’t even be able to deny the way her amber eyes started darting towards Jaune’s lap. Weiss, on the other hand, simply shook her head, muttering darkly about “Size Queens…”

+x+x+x+

“This would be an opportune moment for us to make out, you know.” Nora said, comfortably laid on her bed in the Team JNPR dorm room, where only she and Ren were within. Despite her words, she kept one head-phone on and Ren seemed content to flip through the next page in his issue of Mistral Living.

“It would.” He agreed. “But then we’d confirm the ship. You know we can’t do that.”

Nora privately cursed their Teen rating. Somewhere, she knew Pyrrha was doing the same.

+x+x+x+x

“Hey, Weiss Cream.” Weiss looked up from her studies, raising a brow at Yang leaning over her in a- rather uncomfortable- close distance. “Got a joke for you.”

Weiss was already regretting it, but if it got her blonde team-mate out of her hair. . . “What?”

“What kind of dessert do you and Vomit Boy make together?” Confounded- and a little afraid- the Heiress narrowed her eyes. After a few moments, Yang finished, “Gelato!”

Weiss paused, blinking. “What. That doesn’t make sense, Yang.”

“Sure it does. He puts the milk and cream in you, and mixes you up, and then you two yell-a-lot-o.”

Groaning, Weiss smashed her head into her books.

“Yeah! Just like that, actually.”

x+x+x+x+

Content, Ruby Rose made her way through the batch of cookies she’d made in the dorm commons. Picking up the remote, she flipped through a few channels before pausing on a movie. As she settled in with her glass of milk and chocolate-y goodness, Pyrrha slipped through and paused.

“Ruby.”

“Yeah, Pyrrha?”

“Is that porn?”

“What? No. It’s Game of Domes.”

“Are you sure. Because there is a whole lot of-”

“I mean, do you see any actual penetration going on?”

Pyrrha paused, as the scene on the television swapped to something suitably more Rated T for TEEN rather than the fake intercourse. Glancing to the side, she mused as she went towards the kitchen, “I don’t see any penetration between Jaune and I, but I can assure you that there’s plenty of pornographic thoughts going on THERE.”

Ruby nodded her head, replying before the redhead vanished into the kitchen, “Same, girl. Same.”

+x+x+x+

“Why do you like playing cards so much, Jaune?” Ren questioned, looking utterly disgusted with the hand he was dealt. Folding the hand, he turned his gaze properly upon the blonde male as he sorted his cards from left to right with a mild look on his face. Around the table, they were joined by Cardin, Coco, Velvet, and- oddly- Weiss.

“Seven sisters. Do you know how few games there are that allow for more than four players? Not that many, man.”

Ren saw the logic in that. Though, privately, he was pretty sure Jaune was bullshitting due to the fact that only he and Weiss had anything approaching a healthy amount of poker chips in front of them still. Coco was still in purely by virtue of her sunglasses being big enough to cover most of her “tells”.

“He’s a very good poker player.” Weiss admitted, looking like she was having more fun than she’d ever admit to.

“If you think I’M a good poker player, you should meet my sister Jade. I play fairly with you guys. I -cheat- against Jade and I lose. I swear, her Semblance must be Fortunate Luck or something.” Jaune proceeded to grumble. “Check.”

+x+x+x+

Blake was having a good day. A new volume of Ninjas of Love, a cup of chamomile tea, and the afternoon to read and take a well-deserved nap. Saturdays ruled.

Yet, for some reason, she felt as if she was missing something. Frowning thoughtfully, her ears perked and twitched this way and that under her bow. Picking up her Scroll, she glanced at it and found nothing out of place except for the fact it was already two in the afternoon.

What am I missing? I haven’t seen-

She paused. She hadn’t seen any of her team since they’d left the room this morning. Something was up. Picking up her scroll again, she shot off a quick text to Ruby- Yang and Weiss wouldn’t respond as quickly as their Leader would.

Which was proven correct when the lovable Reaper responded barely a minute later. Shirtless boys wrestling in Training Room 3.

Ah, that explained it. Settling back in, she pried open her beloved book and went to reach for her warm cup of tea when a picture message came through.

The sight of Jaune and Ren in nothing but a set of athletic shorts each, sweaty and grappling one another, while in the foreground Ruby grinned and held up a V-for-Victory made her pause. Another image came through, this time with the two in an MMA-style mount with Jaune’s legs wrapped around Ren’s hips made her fluster. The remainder of RWBY and JNPR all out of their seats and obviously cheering said Ruby wasn’t alone in her enjoyment of the sight.

Okay, the book and the tea can wait.

x+x+x+x

“Yang, I swear, if you barge into the showers and yell for me to unleash Crotch-ea Mors one more time, I will -actively- brain you with it.”

“That sounds like incentive to me, Vomit Boy.”

+x+x+x+

Pyrrha frowned. Not for any particularly obvious reason, but because she just was in a particularly foul mood. She couldn’t even think of why she felt so sour. The day had been going well. Classes had been simple, her sparring class duel against Weiss had been suitably entertaining, and she’d even got to sit next to Jaune at lunch today.

So why was she in such a bad mood? Glancing around, she tried to muse on the sudden wash of negative emotions. The remainder of her team had gone back to the dorm room after dinner, while she’d gone to get in an hour of exercise in the school’s training rooms. She felt tired, but in an appropriately positive way.

Was she just feeling moody? Maybe.

Marching through the halls- and scaring more than a few students when it seemed the infamous Invincible Girl was on the warpath- she slid into JNPR’s dorm room and proudly proclaimed, “Jaune! Cuddles!”

“Oh hell no, bitch, I was here first!” Pyrrha’s right eye twitched as she spied Ruby clinging tightly to the blonde while Jaune seemed completely oblivious to the fact the young woman was all but shoving her breasts in his face while he was trying to read a book on Dust theory.

The cat-fight that followed would be declared “Most epic” by the male population of Beacon as it spilled out into the corridors until Miss Goodwitch broke it up some fifteen minutes later.

Ren, not one to let go of such insanity, noted, “How do you even deal with it, Jaune? Just Nora makes me tired some days.”

Jaune, not even looking up from his imposed self-study, blithely noted, “Seven sisters.”


	2. The Salon Brigade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yang, Jaune, Weiss, and Ren are a team all their own. The Salon Brigade, where they talk mad shit about Beacon, their teams, their enemies, and all else.
> 
> Because giggles, and RWBY should have had way more bonding moments like this.

**The Salon Brigade**

  
  
  


“So, I tell the guy not to touch the hair, right-”

“Right.”

“And he goes and gets a fistful, and-”

“You give him your full fist, am I right?”   
  
“Ahh, shit, I love you, Jaune.”

“Get a room, you two.”

Jaune and Yang looked over from their position at the nail tables towards Weiss, still letting her hair dry from the treatment she’d just sat still for an hour for. Next to her, Ren was enjoying a magazine about Mistralian cooking while his highlights sat.

“I don’t think a room would survive the two best blondes, Weiss Cream.” Yang noted, craning her neck a bit while a technician finished applying a new coat of lavender purple to her fingers. Her toes wiggled under the table- both sets of nails now looking the same shade as her eyes.

“Why can’t you flirt with me like this at Beacon, Yang? I’d start to think you actually like me.” Jaune muttered, nonetheless enjoying having his nails manicured and pedicured. The paint would come later. He’d chosen blue just like his eyes at Yang’s insistence.

“I’ve got an image to keep. Sorry, lover boy. Beat someone in a spar and we’ll talk.”

“Hurtful, Yang. Hurtful.”

“Besides, aren’t you still hung up on Weiss over there?”

“Well, a little bit, but- well- hanging out with her is nice too, isn’t it?”

“I appreciate you more when you’re not flirting, it’s true.” Weiss cut in, giving a dry look at the blonde male which made him shrink back a bit, before returning his gaze to the sight of his nails being treated.

“You really ought to tell Pyrrha how you feel soon, too.” Ren noted, flipping the next page in his magazine.

“Oh, yeah, bitch, sure. “Hey, Pyrrha. You’re super hot, and all, but I’m just not that into you. But, maybe it’s just because you’re my mentor and the only person who supported me for most of my time in Beacon, so I’ll give you a pity date.” Sure, that’s gonna go well, Ren.” Jaune muttered under his breath, leaving Yang cracking up at Jaune’s “sassy” side.

Ren rolled a shoulder in a shrug, “Just tell her you’re not interested.”

“But not only would that hurt her feelings, it’d be a lie. I -am- interested, but she’s just not . . . you know?” He’d have waved his hands, but the technicians had long since firmly insisted he not move while they worked.

Weiss squinted, breaking into the conversation again, “But you’ll flirt with me?”

Jaune snorted, “Bitch, have you looked at yourself, you’re fabulous.”

Weiss preened. “Damn right.” Yang, meanwhile, cracked up laughing.


	3. Netherworld (Abandoned Malachite Twins Idea)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this to do something weird, basically the Malachite Twins and their goofy ass adventures outside of the RWBY canon. I haven't felt the muse to return to it, so I thought I'd post what I did so far here and let people pick it up if they wanted.

**AN:** When you just gotta do something different to get the juices flowing again. I’ll be there. When you just have to cry out in anger and despair, I’ll be there. Might as well put the Bayonetta OSTs on, because I am.

**Summary:** Melanie and Miltiades Malachite, the daughters of Anima’s famous Lil’ Miss Malachite, enforcers at Hei “Junior” Xiong’s club. “Melanie, why is it always us?” Also, always stuck doing the dirty work of the bearded man- and getting trapped in the tomfoolery that results.

  
  


**Netherworld**

**Prologue**

**Moon River**

“This is, like, unbearable.” The girl in white remarked, Miltiades looking up from her Scroll to regard the bored features of her twin sister. Already, Melanie’s hands were brushing through her long black hair and into the white ruff of her fur boa that accented her dress, a tic that was only showcased when her more extroverted sister was losing her patience. A tic like that usually preceded her starting to huff and puff, and Miltia already knew it was going to be a long night just from having to deal with her sister when she got like that.

“The contact is supposed to be here in five minutes, you can wait that long.” Of course, for Miltiades, she had the benefit of having downloaded a game or two onto her Scroll to pass the time while they waited. It was rare that she actually got to use it, since most of the time they would rarely be left waiting until the last minute.

No, most of the time, meetings like this tended to end with someone getting hurt. Usually not the Twins, since they were smart enough to not pick fights they couldn’t win, usually. Plus, pissing off Junior tended to be a bad sign for one’s criminal career- not that many didn’t still try.

Supposedly the Lien was good, though, and the client was just some kid wanting to steal away into Beacon Academy. More power to them, in her opinion. Sacrifice their comfortable lifestyle for weeks- maybe even months- out in the wild fighting Grimm and Bandits?

Give her a few thugs with overinflated egos any day.

Still, her green eyes looked around at the arranged meeting place. Just a little vacant lot near the Club, but public enough that there was ability for both parties to scope the place out and ensure there wasn’t some nastiness set up beforehand. Of course, that pain had fallen to Miltia- and she’d been surprised to find not even a hidden camera or recording device of some kind.

At this point it was just common courtesy to try and screw over the other party, as far as she was aware. Melanie’s head perked, and Miltia’s eyes followed her sister’s as a blonde slipped in a plain black hoodie and a set of jeans. He wasn’t immediately anything to look at, but as his head raised and she got a look at his face, Miltia had to admit that he was cute-

In a puppy-ish way. It had to be those pretty blue eyes- she hated boys with eyes like that. Always so prone to being attached to men who made her want to claw their eyes out. Oh well, she’d just let Melanie handle this-

“I guess you’re the guy, huh?” Melanie mused, green eyes looking at the blonde youth.


	4. Raven/Jaune fun prompt (CyanideSins)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A goofy prompt CyanideSins (Of A Grimm Tale, Dance with Tigers, etc. fame) asked of me one day and I did for amusement's sake. I figured I'd post it here for people to enjoy.

It had been some time since Raven last felt  _ The Need _ . Her propensity for surprising Taiyang for sex had never really felt as apt as it did that particular day. Feeling more than a little dangerous, she’d only bothered to pull on the yukata part of her outfit before she’d sliced a portal into existence, and stepped through it brusquely.

Of course, that was where it had all gone wrong. She’d meant to find herself back in Patch, but instead-

She happened upon the sight of her daughter and a young blonde man engaging in- well- the kind of acts she’d been hoping to procure for herself that night. To say that Raven Branwen was shocked to find Yang riding the ever-living daylights out of a young man who would have been Taiyang’s younger body double if they’d shared a tan was- well-

Strangely thrilling.

“Nn-hk- come on, lover boy- ahh- I know you’ve got a beast inside of you waiting to be let loose-!” Her daughter’s insistent dirty talk wasn’t against measure either. Yang was, after all, Raven’s child. The sweat-soaked pair of teens violently rutting on a bed that looked ready to bust under every straining collapse of her daughter’s hips against the blue-eyed blonde’s pelvis said that it wasn’t the only thing she’d inherited, either.

The fact the young man was taking the beating like a professional was appropriate, as well. Branwen women only took strong men to bed. Despite herself, her red eyes focused in on the sight of her daughter’s joining with the young man and saw the way she sheathed his-  _ By the gods, is that a sword? _ \- length inside of her with reckless abandon that would surely leave them both bruised in the morning.


	5. Witchblade (RWBY / Fate Crossover Idea)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The abandoned bit of a prologue for a RWBY / Fate crossover I was gonna do. Talking about Ladyship (An AFA side-universe I was goin to do) in the AN, as well.

**AN:** Here I was working on Ladyship (The AFA side story that I know all of you will look forward to) and instead I get side-tracked with some goofy shit. Sure, there’s lots of Fate crossovers with RWBY (Who knows why?) but why not indulge in some senseless goofiness once in awhile? That’s pretty much my entire Fanfiction career, after all.   
  
Nero as the oldest, Lancertoria as second oldest, Saber-toria and Morgan as the twins (And absolutely no one addresses where Mordred came from, either. That way also lay ass-beatings.) Atalanta as the fifth daughter, Okita as the sixth, and Lily and Jaune are the same age.

**Summary:** The sword that stays pristine and pure is the blade of a Saint. The one pooling with the corruption of rusted blood is that of the Witch. But, to Jaune Arc, it was only ever the same blade. The one he wielded the same way his mother and sisters did. (RWBY / Fate crossover, AU)

  
  


**The Witchblade**

**Prologue**

**The Matron d’Orleans**

  
  


She was known as the Maid d’Orleans. A part of Sanus that had been recolored in a whole different way since the Great War so many years prior. Equally, she was known as the Dragon Witch, an appellation that held a confusing amount of contradictions all on it’s own, since Dragons had not been seen upon Remnant since a long time ago- having become creatures of myth. From her came the line of the Arc, seven sisters and a son.

The home that they had created from their land was known as Domremy, a frontier village where Jeanne d’Arc had grown up and returned to upon completion of her sacred mission onto the lines of battle- with a husband who loved her between both sides of her self. For you see, she was both the Maiden of War and the Dragon Witch.

The Arc family Semblance was a curious one. Most Semblances manifested in a fashion that was intune with the soul- and it was an exceedingly rare drop in the ocean where one could manifest separate forms of a Semblance, usually requiring what some doctors called “Chimerism”. A distinct abomination of the soul that was akin to having two souls reside within one body.

In the case of the Arcs, it was an inherited Semblance. The ability to “Alter” themselves, one that required training so as not to be overwhelmed when they would swap between their regular selves and the “Alter” form like their mother. Many of them had distinct Semblances of their own, but they all possessed that ability to warp themselves from their base nature and into a soul that was in some way counterpoint to their own.

It was . . .

+x+x+x+x+

  
  


“Grimm have breached the walls!” The militiaman cried, the sizeable hole that had been torn into the stone foundations of the keep around Domremy’s perimeter flooding over with Beowulves as the Behemoth that had shattered the structure plodded it’s way into the streets of the sleepy frontier town. Rifles were raised and fired even as the beasts tore into the town, already evacuated inwards towards the walls of the Castle d’Arc.

The modern weapons bit into the hides of the creatures of darkness, some of the Beowulves falling while most continued unabated into the town, seeking fresh blood to spill and negative emotions to feed upon. A din of screaming and cursing in  _ Francais _ filled the air shortly before a peaceful tranquility fell like a discordant blanket across the battlefield.

It was within this din that forth from ahead of the herd of humanoidkind's enemies came forth a blonde woman regally dressed in rich imperial red, holding aloft a blade shaped in resemblance to a crimson flame that glowed with the light of the setting sun upon its curved and ornate edge. Against the backdrop, a young man with sunny yellow hair leaned against the shelter they'd both come out from only to began to strum the guitar he held in his arms.

[ **Fate/Extella Boss Theme 1** ]

"Umu~ Yes, just like that, Jaune!  _ Papae! _ Now, let me create art worthy of my most magnificent self! Behold, the glory that is Nero! You creatures may bow-" In the midst of her monologue, the Behemoth at the head of the army reached distance and promptly swung it's tucked head, a loud crash ringing out as the savage things were bitten into by the gleaming red of the sword-wielder's blade.

"Huhu~ Rude as always. Keep playing, Jaune!" With her pronouncement made, Jaune d'Arc watched as his oldest sister ignited the blade of her weapon-  _ Aestus Estus _ \- and flew into the air in a propelled leap that was soon followed by a spiralling expulsion of force.

It was a sword strike that held no pragmatism, only blatant force and beauty like a rose. It would have irritated his other sisters, but Jaune knew it was simply how Nero was. So he kept playing, even as Beowulves started to duck past the battle between his rose-coded sister and the Behemoth towards him.

He had no reason to brace, even as he leaned back off of the shelter with his guitar still being strummed in time with the beat in his head. As he pirouetted up into the air, his booted heels bounced unto a Beowulf's head, the clacking of the samba in his head as he continued to strum while he kicked at the snarling beasts' skulls.  _ Why do I have to do Nero's theme music? _ He thought, vindictively.

A shout drew his attention as he hopped away from the tide of Beowulves just in time for a ray of light to impact amidst the mass before diffusing outward in a series of miniature eruptions of heat. His gaze turned from the display towards the girl wearing pristine white and slivered armor and her straw blonde hair tucked into a high ponytail with a bow. "Brother, are you safe!?" Lily d'Arc, youngest of the sisters, asked.

"I'm fine, Lily. Nero made me do music for her fight again." Jaune slapped his hand against the body of the guitar before leaning back into the shelter to set it down.

His blue eyes watched as pristine white cheeks drew inward to pout. "Again? How are you to compete if you aren't swinging your sword?" He mentally agreed. Nero was cheating him out of a slot on the game's board amidst this invasion of Grimm. He'd never catch up to even Lily since he'd been dragged into his oldest sister's nonsense once again.

"What are the numbers at right now?" He asked as he pulled Crocea Mors from the sheath at his hip, the blade's gleaming silvered edge standing out from the gold and blue accents on the pommel and hilt.

"Well- sister Artoria has sixty two kills, with sister Nero behind her at forty-two. After that is sister Altria at thirty-nine, but she was distracted by Morgan-"

_ Ugh. Did not need that information _ . Jaune thought to himself with a shudder.

"-and then there's Okita and Atalanta neck and neck at thirty even. Then now me at twenty-four and you with none!" He squinted at his sister, idly wondering why she had to be so sunny as she said that. The darkness inside of him scoffed, but he repressed his sense of self and simply broke into a jog back towards the breach in the town's stone fortifications. "Hey-! Don't leave me behind!"

"Then catch up! I refuse to let you all trounce me again-!"

  
  


+x+x+

  
  


Jaune groaned as he held his head in his hands. Around the dinner table sat himself and his seven sisters, and at the board she'd dragged in stood his lovely mother, Jeanne d'Arc. The purple-adorned Matron d'Arc was breaking down the numbers with a smile on her angelic face, her long straw blonde hair pulled into a lengthy fishtail braid. "And our winner today was Artoria, with eighty-nine confirmed Grimm kills!"

Even as the rest of his sisters politely clapped for the bustiest of his sisters, he found himself feeling cheated. There, at the bottom, stood out his own name under Lily's with only ten kills to mark.

This was bullshit. Even as he had that thought, he felt the change overtake him, knew his eyes had turned from pleasant blue to shimmering amber, his skin paling and his hair fading in color while his armor and clothes bled into black and purple instead of his usual orange.

His hands slammed onto the table, a resounding  **thud** filling the air as he inverted and gave in to his own darker desires. "This is unacceptable." Despite his normally emotive and sensitive nature, his own Alter took such a facet and modified it to respond instead with something akin to tranquil fury. As he sensed all eight of his family's eyes turn onto him, he composed himself with a crossing of his arms against his chest before his voice came out in muted discord from his own commonly vivacious tone. "Every time we have one of these challenges, I find myself beset by my sisters, making it so I have no chance to reach higher than last place."

"Jaune-" His attention turned forth unto his mother, the silver circlet adorning her head gleaming softly in the light even as her preternatural youthful beauty reminded him of how he'd ended up on the losing side of that fight as well. "It's all in good fun, there's no shame in-"

"Mother-" His voice was clipped, rage brewing beneath the surface even as he felt his sisters one by one slowly stand and ready. "I am not a child anymore. Even Lily is allowed to use her incantations, and participate in Hunts, but not I?"

Despite expecting a rebuttal from his mother, his amber-eyed gaze followed the sound of the next to speak, surprisingly it was instead Morgan, the self-styled Witch offering an amused smirk. "You are the baby of the family, Jaune. You know very well that as the only male you need to be protected."

He knew she was inciting him. It was how his sister in her black and blue with long gilt hair who had been born to their mother's own Alter state simply was. A conniver, even though she held love for her family, if her … affections for her twin and the resultant Mordred said anything.

Nonetheless, he grit his teeth, the straining of his jaw only matched by the pulsations of his own soul emanating forth. His attention diverted from Morgan and unto his sisters in turn.

Nero, the oldest, wreathed in red and wielding  _ Aestus Estus _ . Looking at him with a smug, pleased expression that said she was excited for the coming hostilities.

Artoria, the second oldest and most gifted in womanly nature, adorned in blue and gold and with the lance  _ Rhongomyniad _ at her side. Her gaze indifferent and yet seeming eager.

Altria, the first of the twins, wielder of  _ Excalibur _ and the most princely in demeanor. Those green eyes determined in staring at him as he readied.


	6. Ladyship (AFA Side-universe)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An AFA Side-universe project I was working on that was going to be a lot more comedic in nature, basically Pyrrha goes the way of the Favored Wife in the canon verse when she finds out about Jaune's background, and starts hunting RWBY to make them his concubines/mistresses.

**Summary:** Pyrrha was raised in Anima- Argus was her home. But her family had always been a traditional Mistralian one, and so those core values had stayed firm within her. It hadn’t always been relevant, but when Jaune took a brave step after Forever Fall, she remembered something important about a proper Mistrali household and his own heritage.

A traditional household needed Mistresses. (A Family Arc side-story / side-canon, Pyrrha POV)

  
  


**Ladyship**

**Prologue**

**Lords**

  
  


She was Pyrrha Nikos. The “Invincible Girl”, Champion of the Mistral Tournament scene for four years running. At Sanctum, she had been called the “Goddess of Victory”, and- like a woman ought to- she accepted the lauding and the fame with only a demure smile.

It was only when she arrived at Beacon, and she found a team all of her own that she learned to be who she was once again- at the behest of a young man who had only thought her amazing for something as simple as a brand deal with an overly unhealthy cereal brand.

Just the thought of Jaune brought a smile back to her face as she made her way up to the dormitory roof, unable to help the way she skipped a step or two. He’d asked her to meet him up atop the roof again- probably to apologize. Jaune wore his heart on his sleeve, and that was only one of the darling traits she adored about him. She remembered so many young men and women who hid behind snake-like smiles and tried to be her friend. Like Weiss Schnee herself had, for as unfortunate as Jaune’s infatuation with the girl was, Pyrrha did not blame him.

Perhaps the shorter, more effeminate girl was merely his type? Unlike her, with her muscular form mitigated by a woman’s curves and her height that was only enhanced by the heeled boots she so loved to wear. The fact that Jaune was still her superior in height was- admittedly- a turn on for her.

She stepped through the door up unto the roof, noting the way Jaune stood there, looking stolid with his back to her and the Academy’s uniform starting to fill out with his musculature thanks to his own dedication to training since they’d passed Initiation. Even without her help, he was advancing-

She longed to know just how far he would go with her help, and part of her hoped that he would see that she could be just what he needed.

Because, in truth, he was what she needed. No. That wasn’t fair. He was what she  **wanted.** And Pyrrha was, if demure, a woman who preferred to be on the attack.

She wasn’t quite sure when it had changed from a simple infatuation to more. Perhaps when she’d helped to awaken his Aura, she’d felt the warmth of his own soul- the intensity of an amount that had left her dazed. With Aura being directly tied to the soul, it spoke volumes to her. Jaune’s aura was- in a word- massive. He was a- mentally giggling at the pun- soulful creature.

Then, she’d started to spend time with him. Learned of his sensitive nature, and the way he hid his insecurities behind bravado and a willingness to help. Even when they’d had their first fight- purely because of Cardin’s bullying- she’d learned more about him. The fact of his burdens, the name that weighed him down and made him struggle to stand up to the expectations he put upon himself.

He was a worthy young man. And, with a little instruction, he would make a suitable husband. Even as she had that thought, her cheeks flushed as she stepped up closer behind Jaune against the backdrop of the sky beyond the roof. He did not know it, but he had also given her a chance to reconnect with her own mother, Athena. While it was a bit of an amusing anecdote- re-bonding with her mother over a crush on a boy- she was still willing to attribute it to the blonde.

“Jaune?” She announced herself finally when it seemed he would miss her presence elsewise, she watched as he turned away from his moon-gazing to settle those deep blue eyes upon her in turn, and made her smile lighten. Though, the somewhat heavy look on his face made her mirth melt a little into a more concerned look. “What’s the matter?   
  
For a moment, he seemed to dither on what he wanted to say. Finally, though, her partner’s head bowed and Pyrrha watched as his hands rested lankly at his sides. “I’m sorry, Pyrrha. I’ve been a jerk.”

“Jaune-” She stepped in, leaning into his side to force eye-contact with him once again. “It’s okay.” A myriad of thoughts washed over her in that moment, though she could only find purchase on one at the time. Even if she’d been mad at him before, she wasn’t the type to hold a grudge. Just as she was about to say more, to talk about how their team needed their leader, she was surprised when Jaune’s head rose and his eyes met hers.

“Pyrrha, there’s- something I should say. I know it won’t explain anything, but… you deserve to know. After-” He swallowed thickly, her green eyes tracing the way his throat tightened with the motion, “- after you stuck by me, even after finding out about my transcripts.”

By now intrigued, the redhead could only settle her weight back onto her feet. If it was even more important than his faking his way into Beacon, then it must have been something indeed. Once again, she watched as his nerves battled within him, before he firmed up and she watched as his eyes settled back unto her in turn- a look that sent a shiver down her spine.

"I… My family is one of the last few noble houses in Sanus." Pyrrha blinked, her eyes gazing into Jaune's for a moment while she processed the information- wore it around in her head until she could centralize it.

Jaune was not just another young man with a dream, and a burden. He was just like her- just like her and Weiss Schnee. And that thought brought an unbidden little worry into her heart just before he continued. "The reason I had to fake my transcripts was because my family doesn't approve."

"Why?" It was the first- easiest- thing for her to ask, the seriousness of the moment eating away what she had been thinking of.

"It's not … safe. I was raised to continue the family line." He shifted uncomfortably under her vision, and she saw for the first time something that made him even more uncomfortable than admitting his failures.

Despite herself, Pyrrha latched onto a thought.  _ That means whoever Jaune marries will be nobility as well… Is that why he likes Weiss? _

She didn't want to consider his stance on the white-haired girl to be out of a sense of obligation or deception, considering he'd seemed entranced with her, but it did make her worry.

This new revelation made her realize that they lived in two different social spheres. If she…

If she wanted him, she'd have to earn him.

Pyrrha needed time to think, to strategize. She'd found a challenge that she refused to lose.

The problem was, she couldn't surmount it with her weapon or athleticism.

She needed help.

+x+x+

That was how she found herself in RWBY's dorm room, sat on Blake's bed while the rest of the girls ram through the motions of their night, save for Ruby who was the one most immediately amenable to her request for "girl talk."

"So, what's up, Pyrrha?" Her green eyes settled on the silver-eyed young woman's face, unable to help the way she was fretting at the idea of releasing Jaune's secret-

-but even more worried at what would happen if she tackled this idea alone. And Ren and Nora weren't knowledgeable in social graces to be helpful.

  
  



	7. A Marriage Arc Teaser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Preview of A Marriage Arc, AKA: Smut and fanservice trash in the post-ending AFA-verse.

**AN:** It's ya boi. Coming at you with more fan service trash. I've wanted to do goofiness with the Epilogue AFA characters for awhile, and I said to myself "I haven't written enough Knightshade porn. Let's fix that."

**A Marriage Arc**

**(Knightshade / Monochrome Knight)**

  
  


**Love At First Bite**

  
  


There was something to be said for waking up to the smell of breakfast in a home all your own. Something to be lauded about the warmth of a new bed moved in only a day ago and already well slept in. Jaune Arc, in all his youth, had finally found the ability to sleep in.

And it was glorious. His eyes blearily opened and he looked past a curtain of white hair towards the rest of the master bedroom in the Manor d'Arc, noting that he and Weiss were alone in bed together.

Well, that told him who was cooking breakfast, then. Carefully slipping from the covers, pausing at the wide bedside to make sure to slide them back over Weiss' back, he slipped from the bed with a soft little  **click** of his mechanical legs.

The memory came unto him unbidden, making him take a deep breath as he pushed it back aside.

Camillia was dead. He'd done it himself. And that trauma would stay with him for his entire life. His sister had loved him, and wanted only to protect him from something greater, something darker.

Something that slumbered now, though that did not mean they did not have to watch over Pyrrha, making sure her station as the Fall Maiden did not endanger her.

… why were his thoughts so dark this morning? His wife was cooking breakfast. And nothing did he enjoy more than sneaking up on her and stealing a kiss when she was. So he moved to the bathroom to brush his teeth quickly, and then carefully snuck his way- a difficult feat with mechanical legs, even high end ones- down the stairs and beyond the dining room into the kitchen.

And that was where he saw her. Her lengthy raven hair pulled back into a bun that still held a few stray locks running down against her shoulders, the slope of her shoulders caressed by a simple black tank top that- to him- might as well have been the most luxurious lingerie in all of Remnant because it was attached to her, the curves of her hips and legs clung to by a pair of silken pajama pants that enticed him to less romantic thoughts.

It could wait. At least for after breakfast- they had to make sure there was others else asleep, as well.

He watched her ears flick a time or two as he approached, knowing that he'd been heard, but that she'd allow him the pleasure of thinking himself stealthy, even as his arms wrapped around her hips and she leaned back into his chest with a soft sigh. Before he could make the demand, her face turned and he looked into those lovely amber eyes that had always bewitched him since he'd met her back at Beacon- and only allured him more now that she was his.

His wife. The mother of his first child. Blake Arc. The future Lady Arc when his father and mother stepped down. Of course, she was ostensibly his first Wife, but there was no real hierarchy amidst the girls, it being more of a political play so that little Luna would be recognized as the next Inheritor.

His lips claimed her's, and she paused in tending to a breakfast that was sized appropriately for five people- himself, Weiss, herself, little Luna and little Aphrodite.

Even as their kiss broke and her eyes opened again, he saw the soft forming of smile lines just under her eyes that reminded him so of her mother. Of course, it was his pleasure to know that Blake would only grow more beautiful as she aged. Whether she was being a mother and wife, or a warrior.

His hands moved, softly cupping her stomach with one hand while the other went up to tickle at her throat, leaving her voice- more husky and playful than she likely would admit- to come free. "The girls will be up soon."

The blond-haired man smiled, humming softly as he nodded his head. "I know. I can wait." Which earned him a raised brow and a soft little purr that grew from her throat.

"Can you?" She asked, and he rolled a shoulder in a light shrug. In truth, he couldn’t, but it was better to stall for a little bit and make sure they wouldn’t be interrupted. “Are you going to let Weiss sleep in?”   
  
He nodded in turn, “She’s been working really hard since we got the manor set up, so she deserves to sleep in.” He shifted his hands to her hips instead, gently holding Blake tightly as he watched her work. The sight of her ears flicking this way and that and the thunder of two pairs of feet made his lips quirk up in a smile, right before he turned his head and watched as little Luna dragged littler Aphrodite after her into the kitchen, both girls letting out a gasp and then- under Luna’s guidance- storming towards him before he could fully unwind himself from his wife. As his legs were promptly latched unto by a pair of Grimm in children’s shapes- he let loose a soft chuckle as his hands moved to brush through the long blonde curls of Blake’s daughter Luna, and the rich red curtain of Pyrrha’s daughter Aphrodite. “Hello, little Princesses. You let Mama Weiss sleep in, didn’t you?”

“They would have, if they hadn’t stomped their way down the stairs.” His and Blake’s attentions were diverted towards the white-haired woman standing in the door to the kitchen, her long snow white hair falling well past her shoulders and left free- a habit she’d taken to since she’d retired from Huntress life- like he had. His own lengthy blonde hair tickled at his nape when he thought about it. Still-

“Now you two know you should be a little more quiet.” He noted, not at all affecting the tone of a stern father like he should have- more like a teasing parent. As Luna giggled and Aphrodite affected a pout, he rolled his eyes and simply stooped down to scoop both of them up into his arms, earning a pair of elated giggles. “Say sorry to Mama.”   
  
“Sorry, Mama Weiss!” Luna noted without an ounce of reproach, while Aphrodite- in all of her moodiness and younger age- offered a glum little, “Sowry, mawmaw.” He watched as the scarred beauty stepped in closer to him and softly pinched both girls’ cheeks, earning a pair of whines from both until Weiss leaned in and softly brushed her nose against Luna’s- then against Aphrodite’s- turning the whines into giggles.

“I forgive you, my angels. Now, I’m sure breakfast will be ready shortly, why don’t you and Papa go set the table?” Despite himself, Jaune could only feel a little sad at being kicked out of his own kitchen, but a glance back at Blake and the amused expression that crossed her features made him acquiesce with a smile. Leaning over to press a kiss to Weiss’ lips, earning a pleasant little hum in turn while the two girls let loose soft disgruntled noises, he carried the two in their pajamas into the dining room and settled them back unto their feet.

As Luna promptly flitted about at his heels to help him carry plate after plate to the table, he glanced towards Aphrodite, the red-headed child letting her attention focus on Crocea Mors hung up above the mantelpiece, alongside Sunshade- Blake’s name for what had become of Adam’s Wilt and Blush after she’d had it heavily modified by Ruby, and Myrtenaster.

It was strange to see his daughter fascinated with their weapons- especially since Aphrodite was Pyrrha’s daughter and every bit of that showed in her competitive spirit and her insistence that she would become just like her mother. Of course, with her only being three- Luna being only five going on six- Jaune took it all with a grain of salt. “Aphrodite.” He noted, drawing her deep green eyes unto him before he gently offered her rolled up silverware, giving her a soft smile.

While Luna had gotten his blonde hair and blue eyes, she had Blake’s skin-tone, hair tone, and slitted eyes. In comparison, Aphrodite was every bit Pyrrha’s child, with the only thing she’d seemingly gotten from him being a somewhat moody personality and the genes for height.

Aphrodite took the rolls of silverware, waddling after her sister with a soft “Loona, waaait.” He felt bad for a moment, imagining the somewhat pouty attitude lately was due to the lack of her mother being around. The tournament season had started back up and Pyrrha had arranged to return after having taken time out to birth and nurse the girl. Of course, him being around and Blake and Weiss as well meant that she wasn’t starved for affection- but... 

Aphrodite reminded him starkly of someone else, and that thought scared the lights out of him. What was worse was that he could only hope she would grow out of it, and would understand. Eventually, he’d have to step in if it looked like she’d take the same turns that Camillia had.

He wouldn’t let that happen again.

As Blake and Weiss came into the dining room carrying platters to serve breakfast, he hefted the girls into his arms again and ticklishly rubbed his cheeks against their’s, snickering softly when Luna giggled and purred while Aphrodite wrapped her arms around his neck and held unto him until he settled them both in their own seats.

“Let’s eat, girls.”

  
  


+x+x+x+x+

  
  



	8. Lobb / NoOne Goofiness 1 [RWBY VN]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To make up for my lack of updates lately, I've been (with his permission) going through my history with NoOne and dragging up our old Omakes/plot bunnies to put in here for people to read and enjoy (and see some of the process and stuff they don't see and that didn't make it into fics or I didn't get to in fics).
> 
> This first one is a more recent addition because NoOne and I have been talking EVERY DAY NON STOP SINCE OCTOBER, so this was something I could grab fairly immediately and wouldn't take much editing, so enjoy it. You all will notice that our omakes and the like take a similar typing to the Tumblr prompts done by people like Weatherman. That was mostly by happenstance.

*Stock footage of combat and showcasing the girls, while  _ Divide _ plays.*

Jaune:  **RWBY: LAST ARC.**

Ruby:  _ Hahahaha-! New game? Load? You gonna be a NERD and turn on subtitles?~ _

##  **Turns on subtitles.**

##  Ruby: _NEEERRRRRRRRRRD!~_

##  Jaune: Why is this game so cruel to me?

Jaune: Let's see... back in Beacon. Ooh-! Does my stuff have cool little flavor text?  **Equipment.**

Jaune: Crocea Mors- Ancestral Sword of the Arc Family. Neat. Street Clothes- Not as good as armor, not as stylish as a suit. Eheheh, fair. What about this affection stuff?  _ Relationships _

Jaune: Oh hey, I start off friends with Ruby and Pyrrha! Neat. Neutral with Yang, Nora, and Ren. Weiss is just below neutral... Huh?  **Picture of Ruby sticking her tongue out playfully.**

Jaune: Even in a game, Ruby mocks me.

Jaune: I guess I better talk to someone...how about... 

Blake:  _ ... _

Jaune: ...I probably should stick with someone easier...buuuuttttt... 

Blake:  _ ...Can I help you? _

Jaune: _Oh, uh-_ • _Are you nervous about Beacon?_ • _Whatcha reading?_ • _You're a Faunus._ _(Your charisma must be above 70% to select this dialogue.)_ • _Can I help YOU?_

Jaune: Holy crap. It takes that much charisma to call her on the terrible ribbon disguise? Man... Let's see. Knowing Blake-  **Whatcha reading?**

Blake: ... A story about a man with two souls. 

Jaune: Wonder if he has two Semblances-  **Huh. That's neat. I'm Jaune. Jaune Arc. Nice to meet you?**

Jaune: Wow, at least they made me kind of smooth in this game.

Blake:  _ ...Blake. Likewise. _

Jaune: She's talking to me. That's an improvement already.  **I mostly stick with comics but books are cool too. I think there was a graphic novel of that story. The other soul is ancient and magical right?**

Blake:  _ Yeah, that's right. I'm sure the text was truncated in adaption however. _

Jaune:  **Maybe...**

Blake:  **Returns to reading.**

Jaune: Is...that it? **So...** • _What do you think Beacon will be like?_ • _You like reading then?_ • _Where are you from?_ • _When we pass want to team up?_ _(Answer will depend on your charisma.)_

Jaune: Oh crap. You can actually influence the team assignments in this game?! That's crazy... Hum... I don't think Blake would want to trust me off the bat- though it'd be a big sign of pride or certainty that I'd ask that... Wait, do I even have my aura?! Crap! I can't look while I'm in the dialogue! Shit! I bet that was my only chance to actually open the menu until the tutorial fight, too! 

RubyUI:  _ Leaning in, pointing at the dialogue options. _

Jaune: Huh, guess game devs get impatient too... Actually, sure, let's do some small talk. I kind of want to hear what Blake thought when she came here.  **What do you think Beacon will be like?**

Blake: ... Besides what it looks like, you mean?

**Jaune: Yeah. Classes, training, schedules, y'know?**

Blake: ...I can only tell you what I've been told. It's the premier Academy for Huntsmen in the world. Some of the greatest warriors of our generation attended here. I can only expect the strictest courses, most grueling instructors and not an ounce of rest during school hours. 

Jaune: Yeah, sorry Blake, Beacon is great and all...but it's basically high school with combat skirts.  **Whoa. I guess that makes sense. Beacon, this is the where the best of the best go.**

Blake: I suppose every Academy would claim that they're the best but Beacon likely has the most legitimate claim to that title. 

Jaune:  **And that's why you're here Blake?**

Blake: ...  _ Blake takes a moment to consider her response. _ ...I suppose this was the only option I had, considering the other Academys. 

Jaune:  **Didn't live up to your standards, huh?**

Blake: In a manner of speaking, I suppose.

Jaune: Holy crap, Blake is -talking- to me. Huh? Oh man, here comes the squad- 

Ruby:  **Hi, Jaune!**

**Jaune: Hey, Ruby! This is Blake.**

Blake:  _ She raises a hand, but then seems to retreat back into her book. _

Jaune: Well, I expected that. It'd be shy if I didn't know better. 

Yang:  **Aren't you the guy who threw up on the Bullhead?**

_ • Yeah, sorry, Airsickness. • Who, me? • ??? (Charisma not high enough for option) • I should go. _

Jaune: What the hell is that mystery option? And why do I get the feeling I wouldn't pick it if I knew what it was?

Jaune: ...But now I kinda want to know what it is anyway. Well, might as well be honest.  **Yeah, sorry, Airsickness.**

Yang:  **No worries, Vomit Boy, my shoes somehow survived so we're cool.**

Jaune:  **Oh, not you too. Ruby!**

Ruby:  **It was the first thing that came to mind!**

Jaune: Welp, Blake's going to think I'm lame now. Well, maybe she'll pity me or something and I can use that to build up from there. 

Blake:  **Did you take any pills before hand? Something to settle your stomach?**

Jaune:  **No, I'd never been on an Airship before so I didn't know I'd need it.**

Blake: **Hmmm...** _Blake reaches into her pocket and presents Jaune with Airsickness pills._ **I had a friend who suffered from Airsickness and I'd always carry some pills in case they were short or forgot theirs. They're not here now so...take it.**

Jaune:  **Really? Thanks Blake!**

Blake:  **Yeah, sure.**

Jaune:  _ Acquired Airsickness Pills. Your relationship with Blake has improved! _ ..Huh.

Jaune: ... Well, damn. That's probably convenience for the game's sake, but wow- I expected that to go way worse. Maybe I am a pessimist. Huh? And there's the last piece of that puzzle- 

Weiss: _Appeared, pouting in annoyance._ **Don't you know people are trying to sleep here?**

Jaune: Is that what she said when she came over to them? I wasn't there, but I always did get a laugh out of Ruby's imitation of Weiss... 

Ruby:  _ Hiding behind her sister, I watch as Ruby looks half between me and and at the new girl- Weiss. _

Yang:  **Lighten up, Ice Queen.**

Jaune: Hm. I get the feeling the rest of this will play out like normal... Does that mean my next big shot is just before Initiation begins in the morning? I should talk to Pyrrha then, again- or maybe it'll expect me to talk to Weiss and run into Pyrrha? Man, my memory of those years isn't the best anymore... _Dialogue later._ **I went to sleep, dreaming of home. For the first time in awhile, I felt really alone...**

Jaune: Yeah... that first night was rough...

RubyUI:  **Would you like to save your game?** •  _ Yes. _ •  _ No. _ •  _ Yes, and quit. _

Jaune: Yes it is then. 

RubyUI:  _ Does a cute little dance as the game saves. _

Jaune: They are really banking on Ruby's cuteness, aren't they? 

RubyUI: **Game saved! Keep doing your best!** _Happily waves goodbye._

Jaune: I wonder if they'll make a Funko Pop of Ruby. She's cute enough and, hell, I'd buy it. Moe as heck.

_ A very familiar morning later. _

Jaune: ... I mean, we are the heroes... Do you think they'll make one of ME? Oh, dude, that'd be awe- _FWUNG!_ **That was the sound of my life going wrong in the span of three seconds.**

Jaune: I KNOW THAT SOUND ANYWHERE. 

**I wasn't prepared for this, being launched right into the Emerald Forest! But...** • Brace for impact • Scream • [Combat Training Not High Enough, 30% Required] 

Jaune: Wow. Rude. Well, Let's be honest, both options are probably going to involve me screaming, so, might as well pretend to be prepared. **Brace for Impact.** **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--!!**

Jaune: I fucking knew it.  **I hit the limbs of a tree, though I landed on a shoulder and rolled- just like how I remembered in class. It hurt, but I was alive. [-10 HP]**

Jaune: Holy shit, how much do I have? Oh! Hell yeah, I'm in control of myself! Tutorial time! Let's see... Huh, so I've got forty left. Fifty is a pretty decent number- and yeah, my Aura is still locked- it even has a neat little animation around the bar. Someone put a lot of love into the little stuff... Let's see... Any special abilities or anything?  **Skills**

Jaune: Just one- Guts? Let's see...  _ Increases Strength and Skill when in Panic Mode. _ What's Panic mode? Probably low health or something... That'd make some sense, too. I always work best under pressure. Hah. This is fun. Let's see- looks like I walk forward a bit and probably get jumped by a Beowulf or something. Anything around me to look at? Just a kind of nondescript clearing- wait a second, that tree that I hit looks breakable-  **[Achievement Unlocked: Avenging Wood]**

Jaune: HAH! HAHAHAHA!

Jaune: Heh. It's the little things. Okay, let's see if I can do something with this tree.  **[You have aquired 2 Logs, 1 Larva and 5 Sticks.]**

Jaune: I cut up a tree and I barely get anything out of it. Yep, definitely working on video game logic. What am I suppose to do with Larva? 

**[Emerald Forest Pastel Moth Larva: A species indigenous to the Emerald Forest, these larva will grow into a Pastel Moth after 2 months of consuming nutrition from Emerald Oaks. It can be used as both an ingredient in cooking or eaten as is. Remember to prepare it right!]**

Jaune: ...Do I have to eat it or can I keep it as a pet or something?

Jaune: I get the feeling they put too much effort into too many things... then again, maybe cooking impresses one of the girls? If this is like real, I should already be a decent cook...  _ Muttering. _ Let's get to some action. 

**A cutscene of a Beowulf leaping at Jaune.**

Jaune: Can't knock the classic tropes. Let's see- one button to swing fast, one to swing hard, one to guard, one to jump- then I haven't unlocked my Aura so I bet that's the shoulder buttons- oh wait, we have a lock on! Nice! 

_ The Beowulf moves sluggishly, attacking off rhythm. _

Jaune: Bet this one has it's aggression set low. Ah well, any kind of perfect guard or something--  _ SHUANK-! _

Jaune: DID I JUST STAB IT IN MID ATTACK ANIMATION? I HAVE AN ISSEN? THAT'S FUCKING COOL-!

** [You have defeated the Beowulf! Your strength, skill and charisma have all increased! Continue to improve to unlock more options during routes!]**

Jaune: First Beowulf was either really weak and go down in one hit or that attack had a damage boost. Either way, rad. 

**Which direction will you head in?** •  _ North. _ •  _ West. _ •  _ East. _ •  _ South. _

Jaune: Why would I even go south? I'm looking for the Relic, right? Then again, each path probably leads me down a different route anyway so. ****

Jaune: No EXP? Fine by me. Non-linear progression it is. I bet going North is the quick way, and that'll mean... wait, I went the wrong way with Pyrrha. We went... East, I think? I landed... ugh, maybe I can't cheat the game here. Let's just pick...  **Going West.**

Jaune: Aww boy, that's a pack. Four to whet your appetite for swinging a sword. Probably can't beginner's luck another Issen. 

**He takes a hit, but gets three down.**

Jaune: Okay, while I have this one... yeah, a little more aggressive-- Okay. They rear back for that big right claw swipe, so if I swing--  **SKUUARK-!**

Jaune: AAAAA- THAT IS SO COOL! The effect is kind of cheesy, but what can you ask for in an Issen? Getting one at all makes me feel cool. ... Shit, my HP isn't replenishing. Guess no Aura is hard mode-- 

**That was when I saw her, dashing through the trees with a smile of glee. Crushing Beowulves I'd been struggling against.**

Jaune: Yang, huh... did I meet her before she met Blake, or--

Yang:  **YEAH! Woo! Huh?**

**Having crushed all the abominations of nature into dust she finally made eye contact with me. Very likely she was entirely unaware I was even there until everything else had been destroyed.**

Yang:  **Sup Vomit Boy, come here often?**

Jaune:  **Yang...** •  _ That was amazing! _ •  _ Did you find a partner yet? _ •  _ Guess we're partners, huh? _ •  _ No. _

Jaune: I kinda want to pick no just to see how she'd react. Would it throw her off? Or would she just go with it?

Jaune: Eehh, the likelihood of her actually kicking my ass is too high. Maybe next playthrough... or the fifth. Yikes.  **That was amazing!**

Yang: _She grinned, and I couldn't help but smile in return._ **That's me alright. Guess blondes do have more fun.** _Her eyes looked me over._ **Hey, why isn't your Aura healing you?**

Jaune: As perceptive as always. _Snicker._ **My Aura...** ▪︎I don't have Aura. ▪︎Why, worried for me? ▪︎If anyone was going to heal me, I'd want it to be you. [Charisma Check] 

Jaune: Ahh... yep. That explains it.

Jaune: Well, I didn't actually check how much my charisma actually improved. If I'm probably going to get my aura unlocked anyway...  **If anyone was going to heal me, I'd want it to be you.**

Yang: **Oh, really now?** **[Your charisma is at 30%.]**

Jaune:  **Y-yeah, you know, if...you didn't mind.**

Yang: **Sure Vomit Boy.** _Yang's only further response was to smirk and roll eyes._ **So how about actually telling me why your aura's down.** **[Yang appreciates the attempt. Your relationship with Yang has improved! Your charisma has slightly increased!]**

Jaune: That was bad but I guess with someone like Yang just having the guts to try it was enough.

Jaune: The pressure is on!  **I confessed. After all, I had no clue what she was talking about.**

Yang:  **You... came to Beacon without your aura unlocked? You're either brave, or stupid-**

Jaune: Little of both.  **I know. I guess if we're partners I can tell you- but later, when we're not surrounded by Grimm.**

Yang: _Her hand settles on my shoulder, and I look at her, seeing those purple eyes narrowed in amusement._ **Promise me?** ▪︎Yes. ▪︎Arc Word. 

Jaune: Well, they got that part of my personality down.  **ARC WORD!**

Yang: **That sounds like a promise to me!** **[You have made a personal vow on your families name. To break this vow will be a huge breach of trust and cause a severe penalty. Be mindful with your promises!]**

Jaune: They're definitely taking my promises seriously. Though the idea of Yang hating me over breaking a promise about when I was going to be told what aura is feels a little silly. 

Yang: _With her hand on my shoulder she took a fist and pressed it against my chest._ **For it in adventure, we find purpose. As drifters on this wild land, we find life and splendor unbound. Through the struggles, through uncertainty, we finally have a way home. I release your bindings and by my soul our journey begins.**

Jaune: ... Wow, that was really personal to Yang. I wonder if all the other girls have aura unlocking speeches? Now I want to find out. Welp, we're in for the long haul.  **The rush of sudden energy through me was indescribable. The pain from my bad landing and the Beowulf fights was gone. I felt... amazing.**

Yang: _She let out a sigh._ **Phew. That took it out of me. You've got a lot of Aura.**

Jaune: Three hundred-- holy shit that is a lot of Aura compared to my health pool. I bet I use a lot up doing anything but using it to heal. This is kind of neat. 

Yang:  **Sounds like we have company- and I want to find Ruby. She's more than strong enough for some mess like this, but-**

**Big sister instinct, huh?**

Yang:  _ She smiled, nodding. _

Jaune: Aww. Yang'd be so mad if she knew they made her look like the softie she is. More combat time, though. And with Aura-- 

**Yang Xiao Long joined the party. When she is in the party together, you can use the Team Attack command to unleash an Area of Effect attack.**

Jaune: Sick!


	9. Lobb / NoOne Goofiness 2 [AFA Bits 1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some omakes in the AFA verse.

Winter: Winter: Isn't this the boy you refused to meet-

Weiss: Yes, Winter. Yes it is.

Winter: And yet now you're into him.

Weiss: We had . . . some growing pains.

Winter: . . . I would be remiss as your sister if I didn't tease you about your wording.

Weiss: Oh gods.

Winter: What are your intentions with my sister? 

Jaune: Friendship. 

Winter: Nothing more? 

Weiss: No Winter. 

Winter: ...Do you smell that? 

Jaune: Smell what?

Winter: It's pinewood. With a small hint of lies.

(Context: Talking about Nevena rooting for Ruby as Jaune's love interest in AFA)

Ruby: Jaune, she won't let go! Make it stop! 

Jaune: Just close your eyes Ruby. Close your eyes and think of Ansel. 

Ruby: NO!

(Context: Cinder was going to take a more proactive stance in fucking with the Maiden candidates in AFA, she was going to be the overall antagonist in the story.)

Jaune: Was that an innuendo? 

Cinder: No, a promise. 

Jaune: What? 

Cinder: What? -fires arrow at Jaune-

(Context: While Jaune is passed out, character development happens. Sometimes, character development in anime is WAY too over the top.)

Jaune: What happened? Why are you dressed like a nun? 

Blake: Oh dearest Jaune, I must apologize for my actions. I hadn't meant to cause you such despair but know that I have taken great strides to better myself. 

Jaune: How long was out? 

Queen Pyrrha: YES! I will kill you all! HAHAHAHA! 

General Yang: You'll never stop my over flowing love! 

Blake: A few minutes. Developments were rather surprising.

## (Context: Nora and Ren were supposed to be way more involved in AFA, mostly as Choir comedy elements. And Nevena was always going to be an exceedingly silly character.)

Nevena: Hello, my name is Nevena.

Ruby: Hi, I'm Ruby. Nice to meet you Mrs. Arc.

Nevena: Now now Ruby, that's too formal. Call me Mom.

Ruby: Mom?

Nevena: Oh, it's a nickname. Everyone calls me Mom so you should too. In fact, everyone here should call me Mom.

Ren: I'm not into that.

Nora: I am Mommy!

(Context: When Nevena and Roux showed up for the Vytal Tournament, people were going to get to see the side of Nevena that was disgustingly in love with her husband, and how the two are basically high school sweethearts with nicknames and the like.)

Ruby: Wait. I can be Jaune's Ru-ru. And then he can feed me cookies! . . .  _while naked, in bed._

Yes.

Nevena: I heard that.

## (Context: Ruby cannot into fancy words.)

Jaune: Betrothed.

Ruby: Beet Row.

Jaune: No no, betrothed.

Ruby: Be Throw.

Jaune: Read my lips. Be-

Ruby: Bee.

Jaune: Troth-

Ruby: Trow.

Jaune: -Ed.

Ruby: _smooch_

Jaune: ... You're lucky you're cute.

(Context: So many people were "WTF?" at Ruby being so happy to have sex with Jaune, even though I did lampshade the hell out of it pretty much since the two met.)

Jaune: So what do you want to do today? 

Ruby: Strawberries! 

Jaune: Okay, strawberries sound good. Anything else. 

Ruby: Want to have sex? 

Jaune: ...Uh, I don't think they sell that at the store.

(Context: Blame Imyoshi.)  
Jaune: Why did you keep saying you were a flithy girl? 

Ruby: Because I am! 

Jaune: 

Ruby, you're the sweetest thing ever. There's nothing flithy about you. 

Ruby: Aw.  _Smooch_ Spank me. 

Jaune: What? 

Ruby: Make it hurt.

Jaune: Guys, help. I think I've created a monster. 

Ruby: Not yet. After we graduate.

Yang: What have you done to my sister? 

Jaune: Are you going to kill me now? 

Yang: My bra is off, the only murder on my mind is why I didn't hit it first. Come here!

(Context: Ruby didn't think what she was doing with Jaune was dating-material. Everyone else? Not buying it.)

Ruby: Whaaaaa? I mean, sure, he's my type, but we aren't going to get married or anything . . . 

Yang: Rubes, you've picked out kid names.

Ruby: That's doesn't prove anything Yang. Mom and Dad never got married. 

Yang: They had you and raised us both. 

Ghost!Summer: I'm so proud.

(Context: Pyrrha gets peeved at the fact it took her so long to warm up to Jaune. The other girls are not empathetic.)

Yang: That's what you get when you play hard to get with a guy who struggles to see that we actually like him. 

Blake: Mhm. 

Ruby: Yup. 

Weiss: I'd normally defend you, but you did it to yourself.

(Context: Jaune doesn't have a favorite. That doesn't stop the girls from being competitive.)

Jaune: I love you all equally. 

Blake: Cute. 

Yang: You're sweet. 

Ruby: Who feels best? 

Jaune: What? 

Ruby: Inside. Who feels best? Who actually fits?

Everyone: RUBY! 

Yang: I worried once that you corrupted her, but I think this was just the beast sleeping inside her all along. 

Ruby: I want his beast sleeping inside me. 

Jaune: You two really are related. 

Yang: Just wait until you meet Dad.

Years ago at a random bandit camp. 

Raven: You're Nothing Summer. You're weak! You were always weak! I should've never followed you- 

Summer: I fit. 

Raven: What? 

Summer: Inside. I fit. He actually reached my cervix perfectly. 

Raven: I- 

Summer: What about you?

Raven: I can never tell everyone I left because Summer made me uncomfortable.

Ruby: This cock is my destiny. 

Jaune: Ruby, what. 

Yang: Feeling regret yet? 

Jaune: Frankly the only thing I can feel is my eyes.

Tai: Welcome to the family. Don't look directly in the her eyes when you're together. There might be a Grimm around and you might go blind.

(Context: Pyrrha is always left out of all the fun.)

Ruby: Someone should have said naked cuddling was awesome. 

Jaune: It is nice. 

Yang: Agreed. 

Blake: Same. 

Weiss: Consensus. 

Pyrrha: . . .  _desperately jealous at this point._


	10. Lobb / NoOne Goofiness 3 [Dripping Bits 1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I established the nicknaming to keep it firm what 'verse we were making Omakes in. Jaune/Set in Dripping is "Jaun-et" for example, while Spear of the Saint Jaune is F!Jaune (Futa!Jaune), etc.

Ruby-thys: Knock up my sister.

Jaun-et: Didn't I already?

Ruby-thys: No. THIS sister.

Yang-sis, tied up with a gag in her mouth: MMPHMPHM.

Jaun-et: Didn't doing something like this get me killed last time?

Ruby-thys: Hypocrisy later, DICK NOW.

Ruby-thys: We have a pantheon to build!

Jaun-et: This feels like a bad idea.

Ruby-thys: You won't be saying that when you're balls deep in her.

Jaun-etJaun-et: ...You just want to whore me out don't you?

Ruby-thys: I'll let you have an orgy later.

Jaun-et: Don't we usually have-

Ruby-thys: I NEED TO GET OFF!

Ruby-thys: So how was it.

Blake-phis: What?

Ruby-thys: Getting fucked by a god.

Blake-phis: He wasn't a god at the time-

Ruby-thys: We shall fix this.

Ruby-thys: I probably don't need to say this but just to be clear you're paying rent by getting pregnant. You get love, you get babies and you get a place in our Palace but I'm the top bitch here. I might be cute and nice and accommodating but that ass has my name engraved in hieroglyphs. You understand?

Blake-phis: Mom, I think I'm in trouble.

Kali-tet: Nah, you're fine. Trust me, she's actually about as cute as she appears.

Ruby-thys nearby holding a strap on, grinning: . . .

Jaun-et:  _nervously checking if she actually put her name on his butt_

(Context: I do not have a pregnancy fetish.)

Blake-phis: I believe you.

Ruby-thys: Good.

Blake-phis: ...I don't believe you.

Yang-sis: I didn't even want to have the first kid!

Ruby-thys: And the first one is an asshole. Love this one.

(Context: Taiyang as Ra is both the most chill and the most not-chill person ever. Also, ironically, Raven in Dripping is a GOOD PARENT. Who would have thought?)

Jaun-et: Oh Ra please keep my wife from going insane.

Tai-Ra: Don't talk shit about my daughter, fuckboi.

Tai-Ra: You're in the wrong family, son.

Summer-Nut & Raven-Neith: Wrong. Family.

_both women are holding embalming fluid and a bat_

Summer-ut: Oh, you're so precious!

Ruby-thys: MOOOOMMM---!

Summer-ut, squishing Ruby-thys' cheeks: What a good wife my little girl has become.

Tai-Ra: This takes me back.

Jaun-et: To what?

Tai-Ra: Back when I killed Apep and got cursed. I was a giant cat though so it's not exactly the same. Did get a lot of "pussy" though.

Jaun-et: ...

Jaun-et: Fuck you, Dad, I was there too.

Tai-Ra: Oh yeah, you were.

Jaun-et: You never appreciate anything I do.

Tai-Ra: Oh come on, we care-

Jaun-et: I got cursed!

Tai-Ra: I got poisoned but I'm not throwing Yang-sis into the Nile, am I?

Jaun-et: I got thrown into the Nile!

Tai-Ra: Oh.  _Ahem_

Tai-Ra: I'm beginning to understand your side of the story a bit.

Jaun-et: RIGHT?

Ruby-thys: Besides, you grounded Isis for- like- a century.

Tai-Ra: Oh, you bet her fat, lying ass I grounded her!

Yang-sis: I NEEDED ALL THE NAMES, DAD! GET OVER IT!

Thoth: Bitch.

Yang-sis: This is why I curse. Nobody listens to me and they try to start shit and then I-_mumble mumble_

(Context: Ruby-thys has many fetishes. One might say ALL of them.)  
Summer-ut: That's my baby. Strong women take what they want.

Raven-ith: I feel like that should have been my line.

(Context: Anubis is a cinnamon roll, and he must be protected from his parents' debauchery.)

Little Anubis: Dad, how do you tell Mom you love her?

Jaun-et: I do whatever makes her happy.

Anubis: What makes her happy?

Jaun-et: Seeing you and I happy?

Anubis: Why did you say that like a question?

Jaun-et: Hey son, look Apep came back!

Anubis: My parents are really happy with one another.

Yang-sis: Really, little pup?

Anubis: Yeah! Mom is always yelling out how good she feels being with him.

Yang-sis, blushing bright red: O-oh.

Anubis: I'm gonna have a baby brother or sister!

Yang-sis:  _Oh Me, little one, you don't know the half of it._

Sekmet: Why are you staring at me, boy?

Anubis: You smell like Dad.

Sekmet: ...Ask your parents?

Anubis: But-

Sekmet: I know nothing.

Anubis: But-

Sekmet: _HISSSS!_

(Context: Jaun-et isn't very chaotic and evil for being the God of Evil, Chaos, Rape, et all.)  
Ruby-thys: You've been very docile lately.

Jaun-et:  _flips a table._ FUCK THE SYSTEM!

Ruby-thys: There you go.

Jaun-et: WHAT AM I DOING?! I'M THE GOD OF CHAOS! I AM MADNESS INCARNATE! I AM-

Anubis: Dad look, I embalmed my first mummy!

Jaun-et: GET THE SERVANTS AND FOOD READY! MY SON JUST EMBALMED FOR THE FIRST TIME!

Ruby-thys: Your daddy embalms me all the time.

Jaun-et: My eternal night, please, not in front of the baby.

Anubis: Dad, I'm- like- a century old!

Jaun-et: We're not inviting Isis though.

Ruby-thys: Of course not.

Jaun-et: ... We're inviting Isis aren't we?

Ruby-thys: Anubis loves his aunt.

_ A group of heavily pregnant women standing around-  _

Ruby-thys: Keikaku doori.

Anubis: Mom, why do they all smell like Dad?

Jaun-et: Anubis, god to god, it's time I told you about what really happens when your-

Anubis: Do I still get a brother or sister?

Jaun-et: Uh, yes?

Anubis: Okay. Yay!

Jaun-et: That was easy.

Anubis: I'm going to be like Dad when I'm grown up!

Jaun-et: . . . Er.

Anubis, beaming.

Jaun-et: . . . Sure, why not.

Ruby-thys: I'm so proud!

Summer-nut: I know!

Jaun-et and Tai-Ra: Ugh.

(Context: Not an ounce of chill.)  
Yang-sis: BUT DAD-

Tai-Ra: But did you die, tho?

Yang-sis: ...Noooo.

Tai-Ra: And who did?

Yang-sis: ...Set did.

Tai-Ra: I'm glad you agree.

Tai-Ra: Besides. Horus IS kind of a little shit, I agree. This one should be better. He has- like- six moms. You? You had two.

(Context: Cinder is Horus. Spoilers? Probably, but Dripping is maybe one chapter from being finished anyway and it was going to be a last second reveal to basically say "The story continues", so... woo?)

Cind-rus: I'd argue but I kind of just like punching Set in the face. He's got a really funny yell.

Jaun-et: I DO NOT!

Cind-rus: See?

Cind-rus: I can beat up my uncle.

Jaun-et: Listen here you little bitch-

Cind-rus: What, you going to rape me again? You know that just happened because I let you do it, right?

Jaun-et: I will drown you in the Nile!

Cind-rus: You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?

Jaun-et, promptly shoving Cind-rus' face in a latrine: WHO IS YOUR DADDY? 

Cind-rus_: BLURHBHRLBHL-_

Jaun-et: I DIDN'T THINK YOU FUCKING KNEW, YOU BITCH.

Yang-sis: I hold no responsibility for this.

Sekmet: Of course you don't.

Jaun-et: FUCK!

Cind-rus: Sorry, do you need that?!

Ruby-thys: Don't you fucking dare!  _Repeat forever_

Ruby-thys: I'm his wife, why are they the ones fighting like an old married couple?

Yang-sis: Our family is fucked up. Well, more fucked up.

Anat-ienna: This is dumb. _Jaune and Cinder in the background hate-fucking._

Yang-sis: I'm so proud?

Rave-neith: No, you're not.

Rave-neith: I might be, but you? You're just annoyed.

Cind-rus: I MISSED YOU SO MUCH YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

Jaun-et: YOU TOO YOU FUCKING USELESS CUNT!

(Context: SPOOOOILLLEERRSSS!!)

Jaun-et: This is great. This is so...great.

Ruby-thys: Flame of my life?

Jaun-et: This is so...damn...boorrrii-

** -SMASH-  **

Cind-rus: KNOCK KNOCK! 

Jaun-et: YES!

*Picking up his sword and chasing after her.*

Blake-phis: What just happened?

Anat-ienna: Status Quo.

Ruby-thys: It's good to be back. 

Yang-sis: Ugh. 

Phar-eiss: Kick him in the balls!

Ruby-thys: Do not do this. We will let you have your fight, but if you risk the baby-maker, you will have a bad time.

Phar-iess: I had to put up with being a reanimated corpse that had his gentials carved out. If you don't let me have this I will put a curse on you that makes your snatch feel like sandpaper, you understand me?!

Ruby-thys: Bad. Time.


	11. Lobb / NoOne Goofiness 4 [AFA Bits 2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the formatting on these chapters. I have to copy them over onto Rich Text and that makes things a little FUCKY-WUCKY.

Ruby: We're just friends!

Yang: "Just friends" don't do half the things you do with Jaune, sis.

Ruby: We're close friends then!

Yang: Close friends don't wake up in the morning naked together

Ruby: But naked cuddles are awesome.

Yang: You're not -wrong-, but . . .

Ruby: Besides, I'm an awesome friend! Jaune hasn't need to worry about morning wood since I came along.

Yang: Dad is going murder Qrow because there's no way you learned this on your own.

Tai: Summer, please. Tell me what I did wrong with our baby.

_Speaking through the wind_ Ghost!Summer: The week after Raven left you we were already sleeping with each other.

Tai: I mean...that was more your fault though. I was depressed.

G!S: Your dick wasn't.

Ghost!Summer: SO MANY GRANDBABIES.

Taiyang: Oh gods, this IS my fault.

Jaune: Grandfather, I don't talk much to you but I need advice. What should I do now that I'm with Ruby? Should I stop Mother and stay monogamous? Because I do like Ruby but the other girls are nice too.

_Speaking through the wind_ Ghost!Absinthe: ...Harem.

Jaune: ...Welp, I guess it's a harem then.

Jaune: I don't know why I bothered.

Camillia: Did you think you'd get a different answer from any of us? You can support them all. We all have our preferences, but- well-  _She gestures at the girls, who all look horrified at the idea of -actually having to fight for him-_

Camillia: Does that look like the time to start with the idea of monogamy?

Jaune: But, isn't marriage a sacred bond or something?

Camilla: You lost your virginity to a pretty girl you didn't even date and only knew for less then a month.

Jaune: To be fair, Ruby is really nice.

Ruby: I'm what the general public calls "Moe" and what deviants call "wreckable".

Ruby: Mama knows what mama likes.

Camillia: I begin to see why Mom likes you.

Jaune: So this isn't bad?

Camillia: By our standards? No. Modern consensus, yes.

Jaune: I'm not that bad, am I?

Ruby: Of course not. Now do you want to exercise with me? Outfit?

Jaune: Sure. Oh, it has your team name on it. Kind of small.

Camilla: This girl...

(Context: Discussing Blake coming around to liking Jaune. Initially, she wasn't going to be Jaune's partner (I was going to go with Canon) but so many people said not to do that, that I fretted over who would do it. NoOne agreed with me that Blake made the most sense, and from there I started worrying about making the story too Knightshade-y because it's my own personal pairing preference. You all know how that turned out.)

Blake: I think this is really going to work. I'm glad I met you Jaune.

Jaune: Blake. That's so sweet. I'd hug you but my arms are full.

Yang: -left arm- You can hug me if you want.

Ruby: -right arm- I won't kiss you, I'm not that kind of girl...eh, maybe if Jaune likes it.

(Context: Ren and Nora are doing SOMETHING while Ruby and Weiss are busy.)

Random: Aren't you worried about half of your team not spending as much time with you guys?

Nora: Are you kidding? We get the dorm to ourselves! Do you know how much of it we've christened?

Ren, blushing up a storm.


	12. Lobb / NoOne Goofiness 5 [General RWBY Silliness 1 / More AFA bits]

Plot twist: Everyone in the main cast is straight except the boys. (Also the first part where we established that Nora and Blake are both boy-love-loving fujos, Pyrrha joined them later. Also where sassy bitch Jaune and the Salon Squad started.)

Weiss: GOD DAMN IT, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET DICK NOW?

Nora: Share?

Pyrrha: WEISS YOU BITCH YOU TURNED HIM GAY!

Weiss: I TOTALLY DID NOT!

Ruby:  _Crying inconsolably_

Yang: . . . 

Blake: . . . This is hot. 

Yang: Kind of, yeah.

Cinder: Ha, how do you like that?

Jaune: NO! Weiss, my platonic friend who I love and cherish entirely as a friend!

Cinder: Wait, what?

Jaune: Ren, help!

Ren: Don't worry Weiss is going to be fine.  _kisses his cheek_ We'll get through this.

Jaune: I'm sorry, babe! I'm trying.

Ren: It's okay.

Cinder: What?

Weiss: Jaune, just- just let me die.

Jaune: What, no, bitch! We still have to go shopping together! Mani-pedis!

Pyrrha!Ghost: Oh my god he came to the dance in a dress how did I not see this coming-

(Context: Salon Squad precursor.)

Weiss: This is not a date.

Jaune: Angel, it would be really hard to date you in here when I'm feeling like a pile of mush.

Yang: Agreed. This is the place a couple goes to after the dating stage.

Ren: This is "I sleep with you and know your feet stink" stage.

_ Yang says she's going out on the town with the boys- this isn't what Weiss expected. _

Weiss: I thought you were going to a wild party.

Yang: . . . I mean, in a way, yes?

Jaune: You wouldn't believe the shit we talk about here.

Yang's Hairstylist: It's true.

Ren: It's also good for team morale.

Weiss: We're half of each other's team.

Jaune: Pyrrha didn't want the attention and Nora-

_Every Stylist in the room goes through a Vietnam flashback_

Ren: We don't... talk about Nora.

Jaune: What about Blake?

Yang: You know Ruby too well, to have not even bothered asking about her.

Weiss: Faunus ears are sensitive.

Ren: Makes sense. 

Jaune: Do you think if you rub them, she gets hot?

Yang: Oh, baby, do I have a story for you.

(Context: Ruby is a scheming girl in AFA. Adrien, however, is a savage.)

Ruby: Who's your favorite aunt?

Adrian: Bah.

Ruby: That's right, Ruby. And who's your prettiest aunt?

Adrian: Uggba.

Ruby: Me again! And who gives your uncle head on the daily?

Adrian: Weiss.

Weiss, holding her hands up while a pair of white-haired children clutch her skirts: Ruby, why are you upset?

Ruby: I HAD THE TITLE, AND YOU TOOK IT FROM ME!

Weiss: OH- NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!

(Context: The family Arc is full of weirdoes. Saphron wanted to get away for a reason. And Terra is a cinnamon bun.)

Saphron: Do you see now why I wanted to get away?

Terra: Jaune at least seems to have his head on straight-

_The group roll up_

Saphron: . . .

Terra: . . . Yeah, I jinxed it.

Jaune: Okay so, I don't want to alarm you but-

Ruby: GROUP HUG!

_ After the finale of AFA- _

Nevena: SO. MANY. GRANDKIDS!

Jaune: RIP my fucking sleep schedule.

Weiss: But-

Jaune: DON'T. Even. I'm the one who wakes up to take care of them. I love you all to death, but -fuck-.

Ruby: That's the plan!

Blake: The benefit of grandparents, yes.

Yang: And having lots of them!

Ghira: I never imagined things would end this way.

Kali: But I always hoped!

Taiyang: This is going to be a headache at birthdays.

(Context: The extended Family Arc is just as crazy as the main bunch. No exceptions. Especially Kali.)

Qrow: Okay, so who here wants to hear how complete garbage your Moms were as kids?

Kids: I DO!

Qrow: Okay, first off, she was god awful with a scythe and Yang? Woo, let me tell you-

Jaune: Remember, kids, trash talk your moms at your own peril. I will not rescue you.

Luna, Blake's Daughter (And Jaune's Favorite): Even me, Daddy?

Jaune: Nope. You gotta learn this lesson eventually.

Qrow: I don't know, you could try unionizing? "Let the youth trash talk the old!"

Jaune: That would include you too, you know.

Qrow: Psh, I don't have kids...that I know of.

Kali: I told you she'd like you.

Jaune: I mean, at first, no, but I guess-

Blake: Mom. Don't encourage him. We just got him over the whole "self esteem" issue.

Ghira: Luna, I need you to make me a promise, okay?

Luna: Sure, grampa!

Ghira: Promise me you'll be normal. Please, my heart can't take anymore.

Kali: Oh, I have so many grandkids to spoil.

Ghira: We're not actually the grandparents to most of them, dear.

Taiyang: That doesn't really matter. They're all ours and they deserve to be accepted.

Kali: Oh, I knew I liked you!  _Glomp_ We're going to be good friends, I can tell!

Tai: Uhhhh...

Ghira: ...

Tai: Suuurre.

Taiyang: The only ones we're kind of off about are the Schnees. And Willow is alright- after she stopped drinking, anyway.

Weiss: We don't talk about that, Father-In-Law!

Taiyang: I don't know, it was a rather  _explosive_ encounter--

Yang: Up high, Grand-dad!  _High-fives Tai._

(Context: 

Weiss did the arranging of the family albums. One is by family lineage, the other is by oldest to youngest.

She promptly cusses up a storm when someone else announces a pregnancy.

)

Weiss: See, I have the easy job. When they start getting married and having kids of their own? I pity the fool that takes over then.

Blake: We could probably get someone to set up an ancestry Scrollnet, or something.

Weiss: What? Don't be ridiculous. If it isn't in paper and sealed by the state, it's trash!

(Context: Blake is "the cool mom" who all the kids go to if Jaune and the others all tell them no.)

Kids: Mama Blake! They won't take us to the theme park.

Blake: What's today? Friday? Yeah, it's not my night. Sure, kids, let's go.

Kids: You're the best, Mama Blake!

Blake: I know, sweetheart, I know.

(Context: For those of you who LOVED Shade in the epilogue, she's always been a bit of a joke in that she's Raven 2.0- but actually with character and a Good Girl(TM). She's still emo as fuck, though.)

Shade: Mama Weiss, Angela hid my eyeliner!

Weiss: If it's black, you're not getting it back.

Shade: Wuh- WHY?

Weiss: We are not raising emos in this house.

Shade, in Beacon: The strong rule!

Also Shade, in Beacon: WHY ARE ALL THESE BOYS HITTING ON ME?!

(Context: Discussion of if the Rose kids in the Arc family had color coded cloaks soon turned into a massive amount of gags about them being the DuckTales kids because Sapphire = Blue cloak, Summer = Red cloak, Sunny = Yellow (Green) cloak. Qrow is, of course, UNCA SCROOJ)

Qrow: Alright, kids, here we go. Right into the line of fire-

Summer: Uhh, Uncle Qrow, this doesn't seem-

Sapphire: BANZAI!

Sunny: LAST ONE TO KILL A GRIMM GIVES UP THEIR COOKIES!

Summer: OH HELL NO!

Qrow: Damn, being an uncle is awesome.

(Further Context: Winter wants to be best Aunt/Uncle. Qrow disagrees. Both are wrong as hell.)

Winter: This will not work, Qrow!

Qrow: Fuck you it won't, Ice Queen!

_ Meanwhile, the kids all crowd around the Arc sisters, all doting on them and spoiling them with candies, attention, and various bits. Their actual favorite? Aunt Jade. Because she has -the best- stories. _

(Context: Arc Family Reunions. You may shudder.)

Jaune: Do you think we could rent Amity Colosseum?

Ruby: . . . Do we have that much money? 

Jaune: No, but we have that much family.

(Context: Shade is, for all her emo-ness, a complete cinnamon bun daddy's girl.)

Shade: Father!

Jaune: What is it, my little shadow warrior?

Shade: Pat my head!

Jaune:  _Does so_

Shade:  _Smiles, then proceeds to meander back off to pick fights._

Jaune: She's such a weird child.

(Context: Jaune- But am I wrong, tho?)

Jaune: Shade did WHAT?

Beacon Teacher: Single-handedly trashed all of the students who weren't her siblings

Jaune: . . . Am I supposed to be proud or upset?

BT: Mr. Arc!

Jaune: Hey, I'm just saying.

Raven, hiding in the rafters with a little sign held in front of her that says **Shade my grandbaby!**


	13. Lobb / NoOne Goofiness 6 [General RWBY Silliness 2]

(Context: Dripping Gold silliness.)

Jaun-et: AWW, WHAT'S A LITTLE KILLING EACH OTHER BETWEEN RELATIVES?

Weiss-roh: Is this how they usually are?

Ruby-thys: UNfortunately.

Yang-sis: Ugh. My brother and my son. Why are they such -nerds-? I'm the Goddess of Magic here.

Blake-phis: Shouldn't we . . . stop them?

Ruby-thys: They'll wear themselves out. 

Cinder-rus: SEEEETTTTT---! 

Jaun-et: WHORE-UUUUUSSS--!

_15 Minutes Later_

Jaun-et: Uuuggghhhh...

Cindee-rus: Uuuuuuhhhhh...

Jaun-et: You...you stabbed me in the spleen...

Cinder-rus: You...you shoved an arrow in my eye...

Jaun-et: ...I missed you...so much...

Cinder-rus: Same...by the way...love the new form...you got a nice ass.

Jaun-et: Thanks...I work out...Your ass...is nice too-Oh Ra I'm dying again.

Cinder-rus: Yeah...is it as good for you as it was for me?

Yang-sis:  _Magic._

Jaun-et: I'll ambush you next time. Wait for me.

Cinde-rus: Just don't interrupt dinner.

Jaun-et: Bitch, I might.

Ruby-thys: Hey!

Cinder-rus: Yeah?

Ruby-thys: ... Don't steal my husband.

Cinder-rus: ...

Ruby-thys: Don't, I don't know if I'd be able to get him back if you did.

Cinder-rus: ...Huh.

Jaun-et: Don't worry, baby, I love you. I just fuck her.  _And jizz in her wine._

Cinde-rus: YOU BITCH.  _More fighting ensues._

Yang-sis: Oh for fuck's sake.

Ruby-thys: Do you think he'd find it hot if we punched each other before sex?

Yang-sis: Please don't make that a thing. You already have enough fetishes.

Jaune-et: RRAAAAAHHHH!

Cinder-rus: AAAAAAAHHHHH!

Blake-phis: I honestly can't tell if they're yelling at each other or having an incredibly violent climax.

Cinde-rus:  _Lights a cig._

Jaun-et:  _Glass of wine._

Ruby-thys: Also, who are you to say I have too many fetishes? You control-freak.

Yang-sis: I AM NOT!

Everyone:  _blank stare._

Yang-sis: ... I'm getting better. Maybe.

Cinder-rus: This was fun but I got to get Gramps out of bed again before we get another eclipse. Later all. Later Mom.

Yang-sis: Yeah, yeah love you.

Cinder-rus: Later Dad, next time DON'T REINCARNATE AS A LOLI, BE A LADY WITH MEAT, HA!

Jaun-et: Ra, she's such a bitch.

Anat-ienna: Why are you looking at her the way you look at Ruby-thys?

Jaun-et: Hm?

Jaun-et: She helps complete me. It's just weird that he's a she now.

Ruby-thys: _ANGRY WIFE NOISES._

Jaun-et, leaning over to Anat-ienna: She's going to be so riled up tonight. It's going to be awesome. You in?

Anat-ienna: When am I not in?

Jaun-et: Trick question, I'm already hard so I already knew your answer.

Anat-ienna: Why do I love you again?

Jaun-et: Because I taste better then beer and I'm the only one who scratches your ears the way you like.

Jaun-et: Also, Ra is a cuck and won't let you go hog wild.

Tai-Ra: Talking shit again?

Jaun-et: Love you, Dad-in-law!

Summer-nut: He's cute.

Tai-Ra: Yeah, we're too easy on him though.

Raven-neith: Wait til his mind mends with Apep. That's when things get interesting.

Tai-Ra: ... You're kidding, right? ... Babe?

Summer-nut: That's my baby boy.

Rave-neith: Only you.

Ruby-thys: . . . Wait, things are starting to make a lot of sense, now.

Jaun-et: You already knew we were siblings when we married-

Ruby-thys: No. Mom is hot for you. You want to bang mom?

Jaun-et: . . . . No. No. Nononononono.

Ruby-thys:  _gleam in eyes._

(Context: We all know Yang put that function in there.)

Yang: Blake? I cheat.

(Referring to how to keep her happy.)

Jaune: What.

Yang:  _Bzzzzzzz-_

J & R (Jaune and Ruby):  _Bright red_

_(Context: Speaks for itself.)_

Roman: This doesn't fit me at all. It clashes so hard-

Jaune: I don't know, I think we make it work.

Roman: . . . You have a lot of confidence, don't you?

Jaune: Gotta work it.

Roman: You're a brat, but I gotta admit, I have to admire a man with confidence in drag.

(Context: Ruby is a filthy girl, especially in the AFA-verse. Yang was not prepared for her baby sister to be a deviant. Jaune was not prepared either. Nor were Ren and Nora.)

Yang: This is not the reality I was promised.

Ruby: You have to take the dick! Make it YOUR dick. Make the dick submit!

Yang: Okay, one. Wow. Two. WOW. Three. Don't you mean -Jaune-?

Ruby: I know what I said!

Jaune: THE DICK SUBMITTED HOURS AGO, RUBY, PLEASE, YANG, HELP.

Nora: Hey Yang, what's going on-... Huh.

Ren: Nora, can you please move I can't enter the dorm-Is that Ruby and Jaune? On my bed?

Ruby: Couldn't make it to mine!

Weiss: WHERE DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH ALL- Wait, actually this explains all the rope.

Yang: OH MY GODS, RUBY!

(Context: Slightly less outrageous.)

Yang: Well, I was going to try and have a talk with Jaune, but I guess I can go hang with RWNR until he shows up again- WHAT THE FUCK!?

Weiss: What are you yelling about- oh, okay that's kind of an appropriate reason to yell-

Ren: . . . Is that Mistralian Rope Art?

Nora: Kinky.

Ren: That's pretty advanced.

Nora: The Lover's Leash, Page 29. Classy.

(Context: Dishwasher1910 art. That really ought to explain it on it's own.)

Winter: I really don't see what your issue with young Mister Arc was.

Weiss: What do you mean?

Winter: I quite enjoyed myself with him.

Weiss: What, you took him on a date?!

Winter: Oh, don't be silly, we fucked each others' brains out-

Weiss: SISTER?!

Winter: Really should have given him a chance, dear. Mine, now.

(Context: Regency- Noir is Luna's steed when she's a wee Princess of the Grimm.)

_The little Mistress calls for me!_

Luna: Kitty!

Blake: Are you SURE it's safe for her to play with Noir?

Jaune: It hasn't gone wrong so far.

(Context: Luna is precious, and you best believe writing her being a bombastic PRINCESS OF EVIL is just as fun as writing the rest of the Arc kids.)

Regency!Luna: I AM THE PRINCESS OF THE GRIMM AND YOU WILL RESPECT ME.

Jaune: I blame Weiss.

Weiss: Now listen, little Luna. As a prim and proper piece of royalty, you have to be steadfast and confident.

Luna: Okay, Auntie Weiss! I love you!

Weiss: D'AWW, I LOVE YOU TOO, LITTLE MOON!  _Violent baby-crazy_

(Context: Despite the meme of Jaune loving chicken nuggets, people forget how often he's shown eating relatively healthily. AFA Jaune had such a strict and regimented diet (because he needed to look good for a wife) that he's never had fried food or the like, which was a gag in the early chapters where Ruby and Yang were amused at him looking funky at a comfort food restaurant's menu.)

Jaune: There's not a dish on this menu that isn't over twenty-five-hundred calories.

Ruby: I know, it's great, right?

Yang: Where do you think I got these puppies from?

Jaune: ...Chicken nuggets?

Ruby: Yep, and they can come in little dinosaur shapes if you want!

Jaune: What madman would mutilate a perfectly good chicken like that? Who would enjoy that?

Jaune: My sisters would tattle on me for eating this.

Ruby: Jaune, it's just a bowl of ice cream.

Jaune:  _Staring at it like it might turn into a Beowulf and eat him._

Ruby: Here!

Jaune: -Gulp!- D-don't do that, please!

Yang: Well?

Jaune: It's...quite nice, actually.

Ruby: I know how to get you to eat it.

Yang: You do?

Ruby: But Yang will have to close her eyes~

(Context: Ruby was -really- dense in the AFA-verse)

Ruby: Jaune's my buddy!

Weiss: He's your boyfriend.

Ruby: Don't be gross Weiss, Jaune's not a boyfriend. He's just a boy friend.

Weiss: Like Ren?

Nora: Answer that very carefully.

Ruby: Don't be silly. Jaune's just a friend! A friend I like to rock the bed with. And play video games with. And go out to eat with. And lay in bed naked with-

Weiss: I'm going to stop you right there. You've made your point Ruby.

Ruby: See? We're just really good friends Weiss!

Weiss: Uh-huh...say Ruby, when Jaune walks you down the aisle what flowers do you want?

Ruby: Aisle? Flowers?

Weiss: For your wedding.

Ruby: We can't get married! We didn't even date yet.

Weiss: Your priorities are -skewed-, girl.

(Context: Ruby is secretly the more aggressive of the two sisters, even in canon.)

Ruby: So, last night was something.

Jaune: Uh- yeah- I guess it was-

Ruby: Something I'd like to repeat again.

Jaune:  _Eyes wide._

Ruby: Saddle up~

_Several minutes of the most pleasurable experience Jaune has ever felt_

Jaune: Soooo...

Ruby: So?

Jaune: Are we... together now?

Ruby: Are we?

Jaune: I... don't know?

Ruby: Were we together a few minutes ago?

Jaune: Yes?

Ruby: Were we together back in Mistral?

Jaune: Yes Ruby.

Ruby: Yes Jaune~ You're happy traveling with me?

Jaune: Of course.

Ruby: Then... we'll keep traveling together. And do other stuff too.

Jaune: Other stuff...like sex?

Ruby: And other stuff too.  _Smooch_

(Context: I got better about Jaune's new haircut in Vol7, but I still think it's fucking stupid and they should have made his hair longer and given him a ponytail or something- I don't know- cool? Not Boy Band from the 90s But Shitty. Someone threw a bucket of water at him. Jaune needs to hand the ladies some fanservice, too.)

Jaune:  _Shakes his head, and promptly returns to having his shaggy hair look._

Weiss: Thank you!

Jaune: Oh come on, it wasn't THAT bad.

Ruby: I was seriously considering putting a bag over your head and having you walk around shirtless so I wouldn't need to think about it.

Jaune: Shirtless?

RWBY/N: Yes.

Ren: Gotta agree. We don't have enough fanservice anymore.

Jaune: I'm not a piece of meat!

Weiss: Yes you are. Jaune: You called me scraggly! And it's the middle of winter!

Winter: Not yet you're not.

Weiss: Winter, no!

Winter: Winter, yes. Yes, yes, yes, faster, harder, in fact.

Jaune:  _As red as a cherry._

Oscar: Am I old enough to see this?

Ren: None of us are.

_The morning after_

Winter, rolling up to the table in an overly large t-shirt and with hickeys all over her neck, shoulders, and even her legs: Hello, everyone. How did you all sleep?

Weiss, glaring -venomously- at her sister: Like shit.

Winter: Ah Weiss, it's alright. You'll find love one day.

Weiss: What you did wasn't love. I'm actually certainly some of the things you were doing would put you in prison.

Winter: Only if he didn't consent.

Jaune: I have more scars from one night with your sister than from three years of being a Hunter, Weiss.

Weiss: . . . What the fuck did you -do-?

Ruby:  _sniffs Jaune_ Huh. Smells like fear, cigarettes and Atlesian Black coffee.

Jaune: _Disgusted noises._ **ATLESIAN BLACK . . .**

Winter: ...I need to drink something after I exercise.

Jaune: ...I think it's time we see new people.


	14. Lobb / NoOne Goofiness 7 [AFA Bits 3]

(Context: AFA- Weiss' daughters are more busty than she is, even after kids.)

Weiss: IT'S THE DAMNED ARC GENES, ISN'T IT?!

Jaune: Uh-

Weiss: NOW IF ONLY IT WAS RECURSIVE!

Jaune: Weiss, sweetheart, I love you the way you are.

Weiss: _Frustrated Weiss noises._

Ruby: Yeah, don't be mad Weiss. Jaune's a total ass and leg man!

Weiss & Ruby, both turning to stare at Jaune: . . .

Jaune, twiddling his thumbs innocently while whistling.

Yang: Funny, I think he's just a "hot woman" man.

Blake: Agreed.

Pyrrha: Well, we all do have toned legs, and pert-

Weiss: YOU -ARE- AN ASS MAN!

Jaune: _Fuck._

(Context: None.)

[Cue moments of Jaune and Ruby having sex and one random slide of Jaune in a pink track suit running after Ruby on a bike]

Jaune: Ruby, why are we doing this reference. I look nothing like Little Mac.

Ruby: RUBY DON' STOLE MY BIKE!

Jaune: . . . I'm not letting you on the Scrollnet anymore.

(Context: The Weeknd- also, A Family Arc marriage banter. Jaune gets just as sexually insatiable as Ruby does.)

Ruby: _Staring playfully at Jaune._

Jaune: _Whistling innocently._

Yang: Can confirm.

Blake: Confirmed.

Weiss: I can't feel my legs when I'm with you.

Pyrrha: But we love it.

Ruby: I like my insides around our husband's dick. . . . And toys. And our wives' fingers. And-

Weiss: I used to think you were such an innocent young thing.

Yang: YOU? HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?

Weiss: The wedding night must have been really awkward for you.

Yang: Just tried not to think about it, actually. Pretty easy when Jaune's naked.

Pyrrha: Same, girl. Same.

(Context: This was before I decided to change Jaune's Semblance in AFA to Killer Instinct.)

Jaune: You know Weiss, I could use my Semblance and pump aura into you until you're able to hit the base.

Weiss: ... Yang: ... Pyrrha: ...

Jaune: What?

Blake: You're just as bad as Ruby.

Ruby: I love you, take me right now.

Ruby: You could always try anal?

Weiss: I'm afraid I might like it.

Blake: Because you're so anal?

Yang: Oh, we're doing THAT kind of humor now?

Pyrrha: At least you're not the butt of the joke this time.

Jaune: Okay, no. We're not doing this.

Yang: That's the line you're drawing?

Jaune: I have standards Yang. After all, you're making complete asses of yourselves.

Yang: Gods damn it, you make me so happy.

Jaune: I love you too, baby.

(Context: Shade is still a cinnamon bun, but not only did she get Raven's genes, she thinks her grandma is cool as fuck.)

Shade: Father!

Jaune: _Pats her head._

Luna: Daddy's little girl.

Shade, squinting: I don't want to hear that from the Princess.

Luna: You dress like Grandma Raven.

Shade: Grandma Raven is cool!

Luna: Grandma Raven is one hit song away from being in a B-Movie.

(Context: AFA is actually just a show within-a-show.)

Jaune: Who wrote this tripe? What kind of 15 year old aggressively tries to get sex from an older guy?

Ruby: Right? And all of this cheap drama. Blah.

Blake: My character would never actually help anyone. She's brooding and hurting.

Yang:  _Off somewhere the fuck else._

Weiss:  _Drunk off her ass._

(Context: So many people were disgusted or upset by the idea of Ren being in the harem in AFA, it was too much for us to not crack jokes about it.)

Scarlet looking at Ren and Jaune being Bros and goes "That's the gayest thing I've ever seen."

Sun & Neptune: Really?

Scarlet: I'm disgustingly turned on right now.

Sun: Uh.

Neptune: The fuck?

(Context: Ren is dead sexy.)

Yang: Besides, you know I'd be thinking of you when I'm with her.

(Blake)

Jaune: At least you're not thinking of Ren.

Yang: Why would I be thinking of Ren?

Jaune: I've seen him in the shower. Anyone would.

Yang: . . . Were you thinking of Ren?

Jaune: With you? No. When I masturbated the other night? Maybe.

Nora: Someone is thinking about you Ren!

Ren: I know.

Nora: We are dead sexy, aren't we?

Ren: Mmhmm.

(Context: Food fight.)

Jaune: Yang! Oh shit, are you okay?

Yang, dazedly: Three Lover boys. Oh my . . .

Jaune:  _Blush._

Blake: I think she'll be fine.

(Context: The more things change, the more they stay the same. The only difference is...)

AFA Jaune: Yang, did you hear that?

Yang: Huh?

Jaune: They talked shit about your hair. Said you have a lot of split ends.

Yang: BITCH!?

Jaune: If all else fails, get Yang mad and let her have at it.

Pyrrha: Uh?

Jaune: It has not failed yet.

Blake: I'm disturbed that I have to agree with that.

Yang: What the fuck, lover boy?

Jaune: Ruby does it to Nora.

Ruby:  _Twiddling her fingers innocently._

Nora: It's how me and Ren survived on the streets! We were thugs!

Ren: Nora, the term is "Positive Reinforcers".

Jaune: . . . So much about you two just started to make sense.

Weiss: I'm scared.

(Context: None needed.)

Jaune: Guys, what happened?!

Ruby: Why are you naked?

Jaune: I sleep in the nude ever since I started dating all of you. What's wrong?

Ruby: A cat stuck in a tree-were you always that big?

Jaune: Aw, you're sweet babe.

Jaune: You light up my life.

Ruby: You're just saying that.  _Flush._

Yang: Ugh. And you all say WE'RE gushing.

Blake: You are. You still smile when he calls you "Princess".

Yang, desperately trying NOT to smile: S-shut up.

Pyrrha: And then you started to really like it when Blake got involved.

Blake, flushing: Pyrrha. No.

Weiss: Hey! I deserve affection too!

Nora: You're adorable Weiss!

Ren: Very sweet.

Weiss: Thank you.

Jaune, tightly hugging Weiss: You're still my fairy Queen.

Weiss, melting:  _Embarrassed Weiss noises._

(Context: Blake was always going to have the first kid. The real fight probably happened over who got to have the second kid.)

Yang: I was his girlfriend first!

Weiss: I met him first!

Pyrrha: _Sneaking off-_

Ruby: _Squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-_ KNOCK ME UP, DADDY!

Jaune: I feel like such a piece of meat-OW! Ruby, no biting!

Blake, carrying little Luna around: _Humming_ **My Own Revolution (Knightshade Theme 2)** _while smiling happily._

Everyone Else:  _Catfighting_

Jaune: . . . My life is a madhouse, but- well- I like it this way.

(Context: Shade is a complete cinnamon bun. This has to be restated.)

Shade, fighting in the finals at the Vytal Festival for Beacon: Get ready to lose, weakling--

Jaune and wives in the crowd: You can do it, Shade! We believe in you!

Shade:  _Flustered emo noises._

(Context: Summer is just as bad as Kali always is when I write them.)

Ghost!Summer: My baby girl! Just like her momma, a real go getter!

Ruby: Mama Arc says we need another kid.

Jaune: Ruby, please, we have too many kids as it is.

Ruby: MAMA ARC SAYS, MAMA ARC DOES.

Jaune: Wait, did you mean -you- when you said Mama Arc?!

Ruby: Who did you think I meant, your mom?

Nevena: I said no such thing, but I support the decision regardless.

Blake: We're going to run out of room in the mansion at this rate.

Yang: You're not upset though. I know why.

Blake: And why's that? Yang: Because if Ruby has another kid then everyone else will want one too, and you love that.

Blake: Can't blame me that we're all hot pregnant.

(Context: Yin kind of looks like Naoto Kurogane from Blazblue, but with a big fuck off lion mane he inherited from his mom. He's also unreasonably popular with the ladies, despite not trying to be.)

Yang: Remember, sweetie, you gotta hit the pose with your chest out.

Yin: Mom, please.

Yang: And don't forget you gotta pump the muscles, gotta show off what Mama and Papa gave ya.

Yin: Mom. Please. No. Every time I unbutton my shirt, it gets worse.

Yang: Hey, take a guess why I don't bother with buttoned or zipped tops, sweetheart.

Yin:  _I'm pretty sure Dad still has that scar._

_(_

Context: The Xiao Long cleavage is eternal.)

Shade:  _Muttering darkly about inability to find fitting bras._

Yin:  _Muttering darkly about inability to wear anything more covering than a tank-top._

Luna:  _Sadness at not being able to wear a hat._

Aphrodite: At least you can get clothes. All of my pants look like capris.

Snow & Angela:  _Enhanced smug in the fact they literally can just swap outfits._

Sunny: It's still bullshit that I'm flat-chested.

Summer & Sapphire:  _Wiggling intensely, manic grins on their faces._

Sunny: MOM, I HATE BEING FLAT.

Weiss: I know, dear. Trust me. The breast envy is real in this family.

Jaune: You're just like your Mom when she was that age.

Sunny: Don't lie. Mom is huge!

Jaune: Your Mom is still pretty short.

Sunny: Yeah...but she's big where it counts.

Jaune: AW, don't pout!  _Pinching cheek_

Sunny: STOP IT DAD, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING!

(Context: Always a fan of Dishwasher's art, most of the "Older" RWBY looks was going to be his designs for them. Weiss, though, was going to look like 3.0 Winter.)

Weiss: There's no reason to be nervous, my little angel.

Angela: Are you sure, mom? We're foreign dignitaries, after all.

Weiss: I'm still Atlesian by birth, even if I married your father.

Angela: So you say.

(Context: Weiss' character arc in AFA was all about familial politics, and how sometimes it really is just okay to go with your heart.)

Blake: Shouldn't you be more stressed about leaving the Schnee name behind?

Weiss: Whitley can deal with it. Besides, I'm still noble, rich, and now I have a giant family.  _Including hot wives and a handsome husband._

Weiss: Husband. Catch me.

Jaune: What.

Weiss: FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU--  _Max Payne bullet-time dodge._

(Context: Weiss was always going to have an exhibitionist fetish, mostly just to add some charm to her sex scenes- plus there's some psychobabble I could go into, but there's no point in doing so for a gag.)

Jaune: I blame you for Weiss developing an exhibitionist fetish.

Ruby: Hey! We've only ever done it in private, that's -all- Weiss charm.

Weiss: . . .  _not really able to deny it._

(Context: A recurring gag in our omakes is that Weiss is so small, and Jaune is so big, that they had troubles with intimacy... until-)

Post-twins Weiss, in the bedroom: I CAN TAKE IT ALL!

Yang, cuddling with Blake while they watch a movie:  _Giggle-snorts._

Blake: She sounds happy.

Ruby: It's been her goal since the Dance.

Pyrrha, yelling into the hallway: That's grand Weiss!

Weiss: THANK YOU!

(Context: Pyrrha- while a terrible mom in the scheme of things- is still the cheerleader mom who is always excited for her kids.)

Shade: Mama Pyrrha, look! I figured out how to put on make up!

Pyrrha: That's grand, Shade!

Snow: Mama, mama! I finished my book.

Pyrrha: Oh, you're so amazing, little Snow!

Aphrodite: I won my first tournament, mom!

Pyrrha: That's great, sweetheart! You'll be just like me soon.

Sunny: Mommy Pyrrha, I grew a cup size!

Pyrrha: . . . Uh. That's- that's awesome, Sunny?

(Context: We had way too much fun with the food fight.)

Sun: SHE'S DROPPING FROM THE SuPPORT BEAM- MUY GAWD SHE IS BROKEN IN HALF!

Ren: Pie?

Sun: Oh, thanks, bro.

_FWUMPF_

Neptune: I don't know why you thought anything else would happen.

(Context: Weiss and Blake in AFA become the best of friends- and good lovers, as well. Weiss cries when Blake tells her that she's the reason she named her child "Luna".)

Blake: I gotta say, before you said anything, I kind of just thought he was hot.

Weiss: What, you didn't remotely have Lady Arc's words in your head?

Blake: Kind . . . of? But- not to the degree you did, apparently.

Weiss: Suck a dick, Blake. Just- go suck a dick-

Blake: I will.


	15. RWBY x Spawn Crossover Teaser

**AN:** You really can blame NoOne for all the silly ideas that get put in my head. Ironically, this one wasn’t as immediate, since we had this discussion a week or two back, and I just felt the MOOD overtake me. So, well… uh… have this? Gonna try to update Letters From Atlas again within this week. Been wanting to sit down and update Menagerie or put out a chapter of A Marriage Arc, too. I have so much shit I need to update, GODS!   
  
**Summary:** Her life had always been tougher than the average teen’s. Going to college two years early, stuck living with her partygirl sister in a cramped apartment, trying to get over the death of her mother-- fighting the hordes of Hell, the scum of Vale city’s alleys, and the two people she most wanted to take to bed wanted to kill her.

Being Spawn was tough.

  
  


**Heaven or Hell**

**Prologue**

**Red Like Roses**

  
  
  
  


_ I hear them when I close my eyes. _

_ _ _ The pounding, the pulse of the people, their guilt, their anger. _

_ _ _ It feeds me, and that scares me. More than anything else. _

_ _ _ I wonder what I have become. And then I remember that still, pale face covered in blood. _

_ _ _ And all of it just washes back away, like I have found my purpose again. _

_ _ _ This isn’t your world. _

_ _ _ And I’m not gonna let you or whoever else is out there stomp down on us like we’re bugs. _

_ _ _ I swear it. _

Light flooded the room, sickly and green- unnatural. The girl put her hands up to her eyes and let out a grunt as the trembling in her chest began to subside.

She was awake again, and that meant she had to go. Her feet carried her to the bathroom across the hall, leaning against the counter and staring at herself in the mirror.

The deep glow of her green eyes began to recede as she focused on restoring the silver to her eyes. Her fingers came up, the claw-like nails that had become a constant in her new life brushing black and red bangs out of her face as she felt the cold and clammy skin of her forehead and the sweat that streaked across it.

Ruby Rose looked back at herself, seeing the black veins receding back into a healthy pallor. A deep breath followed as she returned herself back to the guise of her life.

Yang’s phone was left on the sink again, so she pressed her finger to it’s screen and watched it light up in counterpoint to the nightlight that lit the room by the mirror.

“... Fuck.” She whispered, noting that it was only three A.M. She’d slept all of two hours. The undulating burning under her flesh made the air around her feel even more cool than it already was, a brisk January morning- and a class day at that.

“Fuck.” She uttered again as she slumped to the floor, letting the cold porcelain of the countertop soothe her sweaty forehead.

“Fuck.” She whispered one last time as she started to sob.

  
  


+x+x+x+x+x+

**Vale Gazette, Dec. 24th 2012**

****HOMICIDE DETECTIVE KILLED DURING INVESTIGATION****

_ Detective Summer Rose, 40, was killed in what is presumed to be a connection to the rash of murders prevalent through Vale’s commercial district. She is survived by her daughter, Ruby alongside Ruby’s father Taiyang and her stepdaughter Yang. Detective Rose enrolled in Beacon Private Law and Military Academy at 18 and served honorably in Vale’s police department for over twenty years. _

  
  


**Vale Gazette, Dec. 28th 2012**

****SERIAL KILLER STILL AT LARGE, LATEST VICTIM HOSPITALIZED****

**Vale Gazette, January 1st 2013**

****VIGILANTISM ON THE RISE? HORRIFYING MURDERS IN VALE BACKSTREETS ANSWERED FOR?****

**Vale Gazette, January 5th 2013**

****NEW SUPERCOMPLEX MEAN MORE JOBS FOR VALEAN CITIZENS?****

  
  


+x+x+x+x+x+

  
  


_ I see the faces of my classmates, and I wonder what it is that makes them struggle so hard. I was a happier kid, I think. Mom didn’t want me to join the force- to be a hero like her. She said follow my passion, so I did. I enrolled in Vale University like Yang did-- _

_ _ _ Two years early. They said I was a prodigy, Mom and Dad were both so proud. Yang said that I was gonna miss getting to “sleep in class”, but said I could move in with her since we were both going to go to the same college. _

_ _ _ I used to think she was the toughest girl ever behind my mom. Now I know better. I can hear it, the way she frets when she gets a good grade. How she can’t trust any guy who looks at her. _

_ _ _ Her insecurities. Her fears. Her self-hatred. And they only get worse. _

_ _ _ It makes me hurt. It’s even worse when I see her looking at her friends and wondering when they’ll leave her, too. _

_ _ _ Fuck her mom. Fuck her to death for leaving Yang and Dad all those years ago. But I’m glad, in the same breath. _

_ _ _ Because I can’t ask for a better sister, at the end of the day. I love her. I wish she’d hurry up and hook up with Blake, though. I’m a virgin, not blind. Sheesh. _

She looked up from her notes as the class ended, watching as others piled out in a rush. She wasn’t sure why, since they’d all be back in the engineering lab within an hour.

Ruby only ever saw the same faces. Each one wasn’t a secret to her. Matt Koenig, second row third seat, nineteen, knows his mother is pregnant by the family lawyer but unwilling to break up the home out of fear.

Amelie Belleaux, front row first seat, twenty, wondering when the cancer in her ovaries is going to spread- too poor to get life saving surgery.

Ron Baker, fourth row second seat, twenty, angry that he has to sell drugs to get by- but unwilling to get a job and go to school at the same time.

Ruby knows everything- except what makes them happy. It’s the worst kind of thing for a girl that pictured herself as bright and sunny. It’s even worse that the more she finds herself surrounded by those thoughts-

-the stronger, the better she feels. Food doesn’t taste as good, sleep never helps her feel rested. But a real, honest tear out of someone’s eye?

It  **hurts** to feel stronger after it. In the back of her mind, Ruby knows it’s changing her- as if she wasn’t already changed enough. She lifts a hand from her bag as she finishes packing her things, and wonders how long she’ll be able to put up with it.

Her boots hit the corridor and she makes her way to the elevator, then to the College’s student cafeteria, hoping with all that was good in the world that they’d still have sweets on display.

She needed a cookie- some cake- anything.

She’d take a fruit bowl.

  
  



	16. AFA Omake: The Big Blonde Flex Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet more silliness while I dig for the yoga omakes I was asked about by SOMEONE.

"What, are you boys scared of losing to a girl?" Yang grinned, wearing just an orange tank-top and a set of spats to show off her form more than hide it away. Across from her stood Sun Wukong, looking amused in just a set of athletic shorts, while to the Faunus male's left stood Jaune, looking much more modest than the two of them in a tight-to-the-skin top and yoga-style pants. Her boyfriend still shied away from showing his scars, even though she privately thought they were a very sexy part of him. Of all the things that said Jaune Arc was dangerous- and talented- they were the most prominent. He was ashamed of them, however, and so she'd never put it in his face.

"Ch! Yeah right." Sun grinned in a cheeky name-appropriately sunny manner, while the gathered crowd of Teams RWNR, JBPY, and SSSN loitered around. She wasn't sure why Scarlet David, one of Sun's team-mates, was holding a stack of placards in his lap, though. "Well then, come on. First thing's first-" She rolled her neck, and then let her hips cock, bringing her arms up and cocking her fingers towards the Faunus while enhancing her biceps, pectorals, and trapezius, making her bust wobble from the expression of her severe movement in a way she was pleased to note thoroughly distracted Blake and Jaune, though her boyfriend was the one who reacted with more than just a blush. Hell yeah, still got it.

"Hoh?! Those are some nice muscles, blondie-"

"We're all blonde, Monkey-man."

Sun wasn't going to take it lying down and, promptly curled his legs and hips, bringing one arm down low and settling his other hand around to clasp his wrist, rippling muscles washing across his flesh. "Side-chest!"

Yang amused herself with the sight of Scarlet holding up a firm  **8.** Relaxing her posture, and watching Sun do the same, her lilac eyes settled over unto Jaune, who was looking suitably disinterested in showing off. "Come on, lover boy! Take off the top and show us what you got. Take it off, take it off, take it off-"

The chant began, and was soon joined by other voices- one of which she was amused to note was Sun's own team-mate. Jaune's blue eyes settled on her, and for a moment, she feared he'd retreat . . . But then a glorious moment occurred, and Yang got to watch as the skin-tight bodysuit-top was peeled up over his abdominals, pectorals, shoulders, and then wrenched free before being tossed into the stands, hurriedly grabbed by Ruby.

Between the two, Sun had the better aesthetic muscles, but Yang felt that Jaune's were better in function.

She wasn't biased, what do you mean?

Nonetheless, she crossed her arms with a gleeful- and dare she say it? Perhaps a little horny- grin while she waited for her boyfriend to pick what pose to pick. And promptly nearly fell over as he tucked his thumbs into the front of his yoga pants, rolled them down a little bit before -tightening- his obliques, abdominals, and pelvic roof muscles, making his entire middle-section cut itself in lines and form. And, Yang knew that the view from the back wasn't bad at all either, from the way the only ones not notably staring at her boyfriend's prominent (and damn near sexual) display was the straight members of the SSSN team. Scarlet David rapidly scribbled on a new placard, and held up  **11.5**

Ruby let out a shout of surprise, "HOW'D YOU KNOW?!"

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000


	17. Yoga Omake Silliness

Ruby: _holding Jaune's feet while he's doing crunches_ One!   
Jaune: Hup!   
Ruby: Two!   
Jaune: Hup!   
Ruby: _getting a good look at his chest_ Three?   
Jaune: Ah!   
Ruby: F-four?   
Jaune: Rah!   
Ruby: _staring_   
Jaune: _stops_ Ruby? The count?   
Ruby: Uh-huh...   
Jaune: _sits up_ You okay?   
Ruby: Big...   
Jaune: ???

Jaune: Ruby, you're flushed, you feeling sick?  
Ruby: Babbling.

Weiss: What is going on here?  
Jaune: Oh, hey Weiss. Just exercising.  
Weiss: staring at his bare chest I can see that.  
Ruby: mesmerized  
Jaune: Yeah, but something came up with Ruby. I think she's sick.  
Weiss: looks at Ruby ...Sick. Right.  
Ruby: Jaw agape.  
Weiss: Ladies don't show their throat, Ruby.  
Ruby: Closes her mouth.  
Jaune: ???

Jaune: ...Okay? gets up Welp, get some rest Rubes. I'll be fine on my own.  
Ruby: snaps out of it Huh?  
Weiss: Back to reality?  
Jaune: reaches for his toes  
Both: wide-eyed

Weiss: ... You could bounce a lien chit off of it.  
Ruby: Staring blankly.  
Jaune: Bends backwards, to a surprising degree.  
Weiss: Muttering. Oh sweet Gods.

Jaune: non-plussed Something wrong guys?  
Ruby: ...Bendy.  
Jaune: smiling Pretty cool, right? Took a lot of practice.  
Weiss: I'll bet...  
Jaune: Want me to teach you how?  
Ruby: ...blushing  
Weiss: Uh, maybe another time.  
Jaune: pouting

** Later **

Blake: What's the matter?  
Jaune: I thought it was cool that I was starting to be able to bend like you do, but Ruby and Weiss didn't seem as impressed.  
Blake: Confused look.  
Jaune: It took so long for me to be able to do half of the range you do when you stretch, and...  
Blake, looking very confused: _What? That doesn't make any sense. Being able to bend like that is a huge boon, especially since he's already so fit- ... They weren't able to talk, were they?_

Jaune: Oh well, I guess I'll just need to work harder.  
Blake: Jaune, I think what you're doing so far is fine.  
Jaune: You really think so? But Ruby and Weiss-  
Blake: I'm sure were amazed at your... athleticism.  
Jaune: Really? Sweet!  
Blake: Yes, just...keep practicing. Especially when the girls around. Show off how hard you're working.  
Jaune: Right! Don't worry, when I'm done they'll be absolutely speechless!

Blake: I'm sure they will be. Yang should be back shortly, why don't I run you through another exercise? It'll be fun.  
Jaune: Oh, that'd be awesome. Thanks, Blake.  
Blake: It is entirely my pleasure. 

**A few minutes later.**  
Yang: The Yang of the party has returned-!   
Jaune / Blake: Barely dressed in tight fitting aerobics clothes doing bridge-and-shoulders-stand where Blake has her feet almost on Jaune's groin, leading to focus on Blake's rump and breasts and Jaune's chiseled chest and bulging pants.  
Jaune: Oh, hey, Yang!  
Blake: Smirk.  
Yang: . . . Pulling at her collar.

Jaune: Blake is an awesome trainer. You are so lucky to have her Yang.  
Yang: Oh... I'm definitely lucky.  
Blake: Had a good day?  
Yang: Yep! An fantastic day! N-no complaints!  
Jaune: Sweet. I'm doing this right, right Blake?  
Blake: wiggling her toes Oh, you're doing incredible Jaune. A real hard worker.  
Jaune: Aw, stop it~ I'm nothing special.  
Yang: _My heart rate would like to disagree._

Jaune: _Flushed, but pleased all the same._ Yoga is so interesting.  
Yang: The clothes are even more interesting...  
J/B: What?  
Yang: What?

Jaune: ...Uh, whatever then? But yeah, yoga really helps. I've been mixing this with meditation with Ren and I think I've really gotten stronger.  
Blake: Yoga also allows all physical barriers our body puts us through to open. Like your body is taking it's first breath again.  
Jaune: Yeah, what Blake said.  
Yang: Y-yeah, sure, that's pretty neat.  
Blake: It does so many wonders. Increases blood circulation, opens up your lungs and can even strengthen sexual potency.  
Yang: _coughing fit_  
Jaune: Yang! You okay?!  
Blake: Oh, she's more than okay.

Blake: Smirking.  
Yang: Glaring at Blake.  
Jaune: You, want me to give you a massage? It might help calm you down a bit.  
Yang: No!-  
Jaune: looking stricken.  
Yang: No, no, thanks anyway, Jaune. I- uh- don't think I could handle you putting your Mister Muscles hands on me right now. My heart rate is already too damn high...

Jaune: disappointed I mean, yeah, I'm strong now but I can still give a pretty decent massage.  
Blake: Want to massage me?  
Yang: heart rate spikes  
Jaune: Sure! It's the least I can do for all your help.  
Blake: Hmm, I don't mind if you want to thank me more, if Yang's okay with it.  
Yang: _You're going to kill me..._  
Jaune: _worried_ Yang?   
Yang: _shakes her head and laughs a little_ You're too sweet Jaune. Don't ever lose that.

Blake: Let me get this off-  
Yang: _BADUMPBADUMP_  
Jaune: Alright. Let me get some oil.  
Yang: Oh gods...

Blake: Relax Yang, it's nothing you haven't seen before.  
Yang: Not like this.  
Blake: But that's part of the fun~  
Jaune: Got the massage oil. Ruby had some in the medical cabinet. Poor girl has the shakes though, when she handed me the bottle she she felt like a scroll stuck on vibrate.

Blake: ... You should maybe give Ruby and Weiss a massage later, too.  
Jaune: Sure. Go ahead and lay down.  
Blake: Settling onto the couch, humming as Jaune sits astride her hips and began to work the oil into the flesh of her back.  
Jaune: Your shoulders are really tense.  
Blake: Mhnn~  
Yang: _Sweating._

Jaune: Feel free to tell me if there's any spots you want me to get in particular.  
Blake: Mmm~ gives a thumbs up  
Jaune: You sure you don't want a massage afterwards Yang? I bet your back really needs it.  
Yang: You talking about my chest?  
Jaune: Well, they're heavy right? I don't care how strong you are gravity can be murder on the spine. _gets as thorough as he can with Blake_  
Blake: _vaguely purring_  
Yang: Well...maybe I'll change my mind after I see what you do to Blake. Maybe.

Blake: Oh he can do whatever he wants to me...  
Yang: Blake!  
Jaune: Blinking, finishing up his rub-job on Blake's calves.  
Blake: Oh my GODS can he do what he wants to me... rrrr~

Jaune: Never thought I'd hear Blake ever say anything like that.  
Yang: Usually it's only in private. S-sorry.  
Blake: _feeling so GOOD right now_  
Jaune: No problem. _keeping one hand working while reaching out for one of her cat ears, petting it_  
Blake: !!!  
Jaune: It makes me happy to know one of my friends is feeling good because of me. _innocent smile_

Blake: _Under her breath, amazed._ Getting -brave-... But not hating it.  
Yang: Usually only I make the pussy purr like that-  
Blake: Softly. Yaaaaang-  
Jaune: Snickering.

Yang: Guess you're getting comfortable?  
Jaune: Yeah, been a while since I gave anyone a massage but Blake is really helping me get back into it. She's not twitching or fighting my movements at all.  
Blake: _As if I'd fight this._  
Yang: Heh, guess you got the magic touch.  
Jaune: _feeling proud_ Guess I do. _moves away from Blake's ear, making it twitch and goes back to her back_

Blake: Auuuhh-gooooddddsss--yeaaaaahh---  
Jaune: _Pounding the knots out of her back._ Your lats are completely tense, Blake...  
Blake: Iiiiii-loooooveeee-youuuu---  
Yang: _Snorts, giggling_. I'll have to remember to learn how to give a good massage, I guess.

Jaune: Want to learn right now?  
Yang: Huh?  
Jaune: Come on, let me show you something basic at least.  
Yang: I don't even know what is good or not-  
Jaune: _reaches out to her_ It's okay, we all gotta start somewhere. She's already pretty sensitive right now so that should make things a little easier.  
Yang: O-okay. takes his hand and crouches down What do I do?  
Jaune: _puts his hands over hers_ Just gently rub Blake's sides, feel for any bumps and knots.  
Yang: _sitting shoulder to shoulder with Jaune_ O-okay.  
Blake: _doesn't want this to end_

Jaune: She has a big knot right here, between her ribs and her spine. Probably a bruise that never got addressed. Just put your fingers in against it and -smooth--  
Blake: Unnnngggh~  
Jaune: It outwards, like you're pressing dough. A little rough, but more pressure than real effort.  
Yang: Okay... Then?  
Jaune: Start from the spine, work your way outwards, let the oil do all the work, just keep it nice and light-  
Blake: Muttering. I could get used to this...

Yang: Okay...this isn't so bad.  
Jaune: See, you're a natural!  
Yang: Come on, I'm only doing one thing. bashful Thank you though.  
Blake: smirking at Yang's response  
Jaune: How about we switch? Probably better that you're the one on top anyway.  
Blake: arches her back up, knocking her butt into Jaune's crotch  
Jaune: Hey!  
Yang: Looks like someone likes you exactly where you are~

Blake: He likes where he is, too.  
Jaune: Girls, please don't tease me right now. You have no idea how stressful this is for me.  
Yang: I can tell...  
Jaune: Eep.  
Blake: You're not the one he's poking against right now, Yang.  
Yang: Don't need to be. I'm right next to you, you know- and it's not subtle.  
Jaune: Dying of embarrassment.

Yang: nuzzles his cheek Come on, we're not mad. It's flattering.  
Blake: We know you've been doing your best to be a gentleman Jaune. It's fine.  
Jaune: blushing I need better self-control.  
Yang: Ha, you have amazing self-control. I would've broke the minute Blake said I love you.  
Blake: You would've broke the moment I started moaning.

Jaune: I do not need to know this.  
Yang: Sh, it's fine. We trust you, anyway.  
Blake: Trust? This is about trust? This is about me getting an awesome massage.  
Jaune: Well... uh, thank you.  
Blake: You are welcome- now put those hands back on me, please.  
Jaune: Snickering. Yes, ma'am.  
Blake: Good boy~  
Yang: Gonna do the front next?~  
Jaune: Stumbles.

Blake: Hmm, are you Jaune~?  
Jaune: Why are you asking me?  
Blake: You're the professional here. You're the one who offered the massage in the first place.  
Jaune: Yeah...but I just meant-  
Yang: behind him now, pressing her chest into his back Haaaa~  
Jaune: Eep!  
Yang: You're right Jaune, my chest was killing me. I needed something to ease the tension. Don't mind using your back for some support, right~?  
Jaune: T-this isn't an massage I've heard of.  
Blake: It's new. arching her back and wiggling her hips now Want to try it Jaune~?

And that was when everyone, everywhere, heard the violent TWANG of Arc willpower loudly snapping. Shortly followed by two women being completely unprepared for the beast they'd unleashed.

Blake: ... I am so glad this is not our actual dorm.  
Yang: Yup. I am not cleaning that up.  
Jaune: Er. . . . Sorry?  
Blake: Sorry? No. No-no-no. THANK YOU.  
Yang: Gotta agree. Solid nine out of ten.  
Jaune: W-where'd I lose a point?  
Yang: Took too long.

Jaune: disappointed sigh I'm still so dense.  
Both: kiss his cheeks  
Yang: Just pick up the pace next time.  
Blake: Agreed. There's only so many hours in the day.  
Jaune: nods ... Wait, again?

Blake: What, you thought we would just tease you for a one night stand? Kind of silly.  
Jaune: ... I'm sorry, I'm a little blown away here. What.  
Yang: No, there was something blown, Mister Muscles, and it was not "away".  
Jaune: Flushes.  
Yang: A whole lot of blows delivered, too. I'd say I expected bruises if I didn't have aura.

Jaune: Want...want me to heal them?  
Yang: What kind of healing? Yoga~?  
Jaune: You know what I mean.  
Blake: You love getting your hands on us, don't you~?  
Jaune: Uuugh, I'm a little overwhelmed here.  
Both: giggling

00000000

Ruby: You okay, Jaune? I thought you went to do some more Yoga with Blake, but you were gone a lot longer, and you don't usually take a shower right afterwards.  
Jaune: I'm- uh- I'm great, Ruby. Thanks for asking. Just, y'know, really worked up a sweat. Blake showed me some new positions- gahk-  
Ruby: ???  
Jaune: ... Sorry, bit my tongue.

Ruby: Oh no, let me see!  
Jaune: I-i'm fine. It's just been a pretty stressful day. I'm exhausted.  
Ruby: Oh, okay. You sure you're alright?  
Jaune: Yeah, just need to relax. Maybe no more yoga for a while.  
Ruby: Alright, if you need anything feel free to ask.  
Jaune: Sure, thanks Ruby. Oh... uh, avoid Blake and Yang for a bit.  
Ruby: Why?  
Jaune: For my own safety.

Ruby: ???  
Jaune: I'm gonna- yeah, maybe a nap...  
Ruby: O... kay. I'll wake you for dinner!  
Jaune: Thanks, Rubes.  
Weiss: Was he alright?  
Ruby: I... guess? It was kind of weird, like he was back at Beacon again. All lost and confused.  
Weiss: Huh. That's strange.

Ruby: I hope he's not going back to how he used to act.  
Weiss: Don't worry, Jaune is past his hang ups and, if he does relapse, we'll be there to make sure he's alright.  
Ruby: Right!  
Weiss: Besides, you clearly have adequate motivation.  
Ruby: Huh?  
Weiss: Still thinking about how big he is~?

Ruby: W--Weiss! Furiously blushing.  
Weiss: Smirking.  
Ruby: We shouldn't be- we shouldn't be---!  
Weiss: Maybe not. But it would do wonders for his self esteem, don't you think?

Ruby: W-well...maybe, but we're all just friends!  
Weiss: And we're all trying to survive and stay positive. Besides, you could just ask him out if you like.  
Ruby: I can't do that!  
Weiss: Why not?  
Ruby: Dating, right now, feels...  
Weiss: Well, if you don't want to date, then why not just go for physical affection? There's no rule that say you have to date everyone you sleep with. We're all adults and Huntsmen Ruby.

Ruby: That'd be so... wrong, though.  
Weiss: ... Is what Yang and Blake do wrong?  
Ruby: What? I mean- it's... well, they're really pathetic around one another, and it annoys me, but-  
Weiss: Woah! Sassy! I like it, though.  
Ruby: Flushed.  
Weiss: You're not wrong. They could do with just jumping into bed together finally, too...

Yang: Achoo!  
Blake: You alright?  
Yang: Oww. No. That sneeze made my tit ache- is that a mark?  
Blake: You're just now noticing those?  
Yang: I'm just amazed. Shouldn't Aura keep us from getting bruised?  
Blake: Jaune wanted to leave his mark. Or maybe that was me~?

Ruby: Eugh, that's my sister, you know.  
Weiss: She's an adult. As are you. You don't need the nitty gritty, but you should at least be aware she has needs, as do you.  
Ruby: Uuuuugh, Weiss.

Weiss: Whining won't make you any less of an adult, at least physically.  
Ruby: Hey!  
Weiss: Ruby, you have needs. We all do, Jaune definitely does. Is it really so bad to just have a friend who you occasionally sleep with?  
Ruby: But... that's not how things are.  
Weiss: As dictated by whom?  
Ruby: S-society?  
Weiss: arch eyebrow Society also says don't steal an Atlas Airship or illegally enter an Academy with fake transcripts

Ruby: ... Why are you only pointing out Jaune's faults here?  
Weiss: Because most of your issues are personal, rather than legal.  
Ruby: T- I- I can be a bad girl too!  
Weiss: Unimpressed stare.

Ruby: I can be n-naughty!  
Weiss: monotone Ooo, I'm definitely convinced.  
Ruby: I'm a bad girl! I'm, uh, a b-bad bitch!  
Weiss: Oh, absolutely. You're the baddest bitch Ruby.  
Ruby: I am!  
Weiss: Can you prove it?

Ruby: How- how can I just prove it out of nowhere?  
Weiss: Getting an evil idea in her head. Come with me. We're going shopping.  
Ruby: What? How does that prove I'm a bad girl?  
Weiss: Oh, it's just the precursor.  
Ruby: ... Weiss, I don't like that look in your eyes.  
Weiss: Tell me, Ruby. Have you ever thought to add a little more leather to your outfit?

Meanwhile:  
Jaune: Haaaa. relaxing in his bed  
Nora: Hey Fearless Leader!  
Jaune: still relaxed No yelling, please.  
Nora: Why are sleeping in? You being lazy~?  
Jaune: No Nora, I'm just tired from yoga.  
Nora: Pffft! What was really happening?  
Jaune: Just yoga with Yang and Blake. I even taught Yang a little bit about massages.  
Nora: O'really~?

Jaune: Why are you so interested? Ah damn it-  
Nora: Gasp! You cursed.  
Jaune: Why did you say gasp-  
Nora: Also, you wouldn't get winded just from some yoga, come on now.  
Jaune: Yoga with Blake, and giving the girls a massage? Yeah, I'd be exhausted, Nora.  
Nora: Just because you got turned on by them~  
Jaune: I have a functioning heart, yes.

Nora: Did they see how stiff you were?  
Jaune: Yes, my SHOULDERS were definitely stiff.  
Nora: Come on, play along! What did they do? Did Blake wear that nice pair of yoga pants that hugs her butt just right? Did Yang get all sweaty and did she pop out her top?  
Jaune: Why did I even tell you anything?  
Nora: Because you love me~  
Jaune: Citation needed

Jaune: Rolling over and going to sleep now.  
Nora: Aww, come on. At least tell me you enjoyed the view.  
Jaune: Nora, you're like a sister to me. And that's fucked up of me to say right now, considering how I don't get along with most of my sisters.

Nora: Come on, I'm just worried about your future!  
Jaune: My future is fine.  
Nora: jumps up on the bed Come on, I just want you to be happy!  
Jaune: I'm plenty happy, thank you. Now get off my bed.  
Nora: _elbow drop_

Jaune: ... Ren isn't giving you any, is he.  
Nora: _Gasp._  
Jaune: Wow, you didn't just SAY gasp this time.

Nora: What Ren and I do is our business.  
Jaune: Good, and what I do is my own business-  
Nora: But if you're really interested!  
Jaune: Damn it Nora!  
Nora: giggle Fine, fine. gets up I won't bother you anymore. Go and sleep like a hibernating bear if you want.  
Jaune: Thank you.  
Nora: Dream about Yang's tits and Blake's butt as much as you want!  
Jaune: I didn't need your permission if I do or don't do that but thanks anyway.

Jaune: Holy Huntsmen, what is with today... Damn it, now I can't get to sleep, either... Maybe a snack will help.  
Oscar: Oh, hey, Jaune.  
Jaune: Yo, Oscar. ... Is that cocoa?  
Oscar: Yeah. Don't ask me why, but I really had a craving for it.  
Jaune: ... Did you just make that one cup?  
Oscar: Want some?  
Jaune: ... Actually, yeah, kind of. Did you melt the chocolate in it?  
Oscar: What? No, I just used the powdered stuff.  
Jaune: ... Oh, you sweet summer child. Papa will teach you.

Oscar: What's wrong with powdered stuff? It taste fine to me.  
Jaune: Don't worry, you'll understand how wrong you really are when we're done. reaches for some chocolate from the cabinets And when you do you'll thank me.  
Oscar: sigh Well, this should be interesting at least. I've been feeling so...left out recently.  
Jaune: Aw, has our little man felt neglected?  
Oscar: A little?  
Jaune: Well, we got chocolate to bond over.

A little later.  
Oscar: Oh my gods.  
Jaune: RIGHT?  
Oscar: What is this. Why is it so -different-?  
Jaune: Because this is -real- hot chocolate, Oscar. You're. Welcome.  
Oscar: You are my god now.  
Jaune: Praise be unto me.  
Weiss: ... what are you two doing?  
Jaune: Manly bonding.  
Oscar: Over hot chocolate?  
Jaune: Yes, Oscar. Over hot chocolate.

Oscar: ...nods with new resolve Over hot chocolate.  
Weiss: Truly, the most masculine of hobbies.  
Jaune: Thank you for accepting our new religion.  
Weiss: Religion?  
Jaune: The Church of the Cocoa. I am it's god. Oscar is our prophet.  
Oscar: Praise be.  
Weiss: shaking her head

Weiss: ... Your newfound silliness aside, Jaune, would you come with me?  
Jaune: Can I finish my cocoa first?  
Weiss: ... Did you make enough for another cup?  
Jaune: Leans over. Probably enough for one more.  
Oscar: Clutching his protectively.  
Weiss: Ruby can wait a moment, then. Atlas is cold.  
Jaune: It is.

A few minutes later.  
Jaune: So I introduced him to REAL hot chocolate.  
Weiss: That's... fair, I suppose. Either way, here we are.  
Jaune: ... This is feeling strangely familiar for some reason. RWBY's temp dorm?  
Weiss: Go inside.  
Jaune: _Danger senses tingling._

Weiss: What's wrong? Head inside.  
Jaune: Uh, I actually suddenly have something I need to do.  
Weiss: I'm sure it can wait.  
Jaune: It really can't-  
Weiss: pushing him forward Come on, before she gets cold feet.  
Jaune: Okay, I know I need to-  
Weiss: Get in. Your butt in my face is distracting.  
Jaune: H-hey! pushes inside I didn't mean to-  
Ruby: Hi Jaune.  
Jaune: wide-eyed

Jaune: Abuh.  
Weiss: Appropriate reaction.  
Ruby: This outfit is really embarrassing, Weiss... ( Leather corsets, etc. )  
Jaune: Swallowing thickly past a wave of saliva.  
Weiss: No, I'm pretty sure it's doing the intended job. Or, at least, from where I'm standing it is- and where he's standing. Horizontally.

Ruby: Weiss, I don't think I'm bad girl material. Can I change into something else?  
Weiss: But then we won't match.  
Jaune: M-m-m-mmmatch!  
Weiss: That was an attempt at a word.  
Ruby: hiding her face This is wrong.  
Weiss: And that's why you're opening your legs more.  
Jaune: head is getting all fuzzy

Jaune: I am dreaming. I have to be. None of this day actually happened. This is a fever dream, brought on by me getting my ass kicked by something bigger and scarier than me- again.  
Weiss: Squeeze.  
Jaune: Yipe.  
Weiss: Something seems pent up...~  
Ruby: Oh no...  
Jaune: _The pinch of my jeans is already proof enough that I am not asleep but I'm not yet ready to rule out some kind of terrible torture Semblance._

Weiss: You know, I never liked how short I was but this just gave me a new appreciation for my size~  
Jaune: Weiss...are you actually Weiss?  
Weiss: Can't believe this is actually happening? Want me to prove it?  
Jaune: I-i don't know.  
Weiss: smile I can prove it but we're both much too dressed right now. Let's get Jaune nice and comfortable Ruby~  
Ruby: blushing like mad but nervously nods her head

Weiss: Let's get you out of these pants.  
Ruby: Fussing with his belt, nervously looking up at him.  
Jaune: _Oh gods, how can they both be cute AND sexy. That's illegal. It has to be._  
Ruby: I-it hit me...  
Weiss: ... Huh. I did not expect you to be so good in size.  
Jaune: What's that mean?  
Weiss: Just- was prepared to be underwhelmed and fine with it. This is... actually a little worrying.  
Ruby: He's big, Weiss...

Jaune: Thank you?  
Weiss: Well, if it was just one of us we might not be able to handle it but together~  
Ruby: biting her bottom lip but suddenly looking determined  
Jaune: _This has to be a dream. Ruby and Weiss would never act like this. I should've known. Why would Blake and Yang even do any of that stuff? Ha, it's all a dream! I figured it out!_  
Weiss: That's a pretty big smile Jaune.  
Ruby: I-i'm happy you're so happy.  
Jaune: puts his hands on both their heads You're both incredible.

Jaune: Now- why don't you get me ready?  
Weiss / Ruby: Huh? Pushed down onto their knees.  
Weiss: Oh. Well, I like where this is going...  
Ruby: Heart pounding like a jackhammer.

Some time later.  
Jaune: ... Shouldn't I have woken up by now?  
Weiss: Draped across Jaune's chest.  
Ruby: Nuzzled up to his abdomen, clinging to his hips.  
Jaune: ... Oh fuck.

Weiss: dazzed I wish I went to the dance with you instead...  
Jaune: Thanks.  
Ruby: rubbing his hips I love you Jaune...  
Jaune: petting their heads ... I'm taking that nap now.

Weiss: That sounds... fabulous- haa--  
Ruby: Nnnzzzzz-

Nora: So, how badly did you tease Jaune-Jaune?  
Yang: Huh? We didn't tease him at all.  
Nora: Oh come on. Yoga? Massages? That's premiere teasing material right there. You expect me to hear about that stuff and not think you left the guy high and dry? Kind of mean, ain't it, girls~?  
Blake: Nothing weird happened, Nora. _It was quite natural, really..._

Yang: Yeah, seemed pretty normal to me. You know Jaune, that boy is always about chivalry and being a gentleman.  
Nora: disappointed Tell me about it. I just want Jaune-Jaune to be happy. You know, a girlfriend, going on dates, being a happy goof.  
Blake: patting her head Don't worry. Jaune is fine and if not, we'll make sure he's fine.  
Nora: You mean that? You'll make sure my leader isn't a sad boi anymore?  
Yang: Of course Nora, he's our friend too. We love Jaune!  
Blake: We do. We love Jaune very much.  
Nora: nods Alright. Still, if you end up teasing him a little, I'm not going to call you out on it. Give my leader something nice to look at.  
Yang: Ahahaha! *wraps her in a hug Maybe next time, we'll see~

Later.  
Ruby: Laid up on the couch, wearing her pajamas.  
Blake: You look exhausted. Busy day?  
Ruby: Flushing. Uh... you could say that.  
Blake: Want to talk about it?  
Ruby: It's.. kind of embarrassing.  
Blake: I'll share if you will?

Ruby: ...O-okay.  
Blake: sitting down next to her It's about time we had some one-on-one time together anyway.  
Ruby: smiling Right. We really should hang out more.  
Blake: So...why are laid out in your pajamas like you ran the wildest marathon?  
Ruby: W-well, Weiss and me...we spent some time together.  
Blake: I already like the sound of this.  
Ruby: We were talking and I wanted to prove to Weiss that, um...  
Blake: Go on, it's okay.  
Ruby: That's I'm a...bad bitch.  
Blake: Snrk.

Ruby: I can be!  
Blake: Trying not to laugh.  
Ruby: Pouting intensely.  
Blake: Levelling out, taking a deep breath. So, go on.  
Ruby: Pouting. And she... um- kind of told me to prove it. So, we went shopping to this... this lingerie store, and-  
Blake: Really liking where this is going.  
Ruby: Covering her face in her hands. Oh gods...  
Blake: Keep going, Ruby. The story is just getting good.  
Ruby: sigh She bought that outfit but...it was barely anything at all! It covered nothing, my boobs were out and-and you can see everything and it was really embarrassing!  
Blake: smiling But you still put it on, didn't you?  
Ruby: frazzled nodding And Weiss! She was only dressed in a bunch of rope! She looked so-so-!  
Blake: Hot?  
Ruby: blushing but nervously smiling It was really embarrassing and I really hope we go shopping together again Blake!  
Blake: smile I hope so too Ruby. I'm glad you two had a great time together.  
Ruby: Yeah...b-but when she brought Jaune over-  
Blake: raised eyebrow Jaune?

Ruby: Quieting up a bit, realizing that she's sharing what she's sharing.  
Blake: Oh, now what a day you've had, Jaune... No wonder I haven't seen him since.  
Ruby: ... She- um. She brought Jaune, and- well... he... reacted, and...  
Blake: Smirking like a cat.  
Ruby: Pulling at her not-there hood.

Blake: You all had a threesome together that Jaune was really nervous about?  
Ruby: Sort of?  
Blake: curious Oh?  
Ruby: I mean, he was shocked seeing me at first, and then Weiss started...t-touching him and we pulled down his pants and... he's HUGE Blake.  
Blake: Don't I know it?  
Ruby: But...he put his hand on our heads and-and...he put us on our knees and...drooling had us get him ready~  
Blake: So ...he snapped? Lost all restraint? Bent one of you over while making out with the other?  
Ruby: Aaaah~  
Blake: And you clearly want to do it again.  
Ruby: But...calmed down when we were finished and holding each other...I told him...that I love him.

Blake: Getting really excited- and then super sober. ... Oh.  
Ruby: Hiding her face in her hands. Mm-hm...  
Blake: Wow, Ruby. Yeah... that- uh- That's going to make sharing hard, for sure...  
Ruby: Groans.  
Blake: I'd say give him time, but he may very well not believe today happened...  
Ruby: Why is that?  
Blake: ... Yang and I may... have... done a few things...

Ruby: Huh?...Huh?!  
Blake: Hehe, yep, I guess we all had the same idea.  
Ruby: We-we all-!  
Blake: Started out as just yoga then he offered to give me a massage. To be fair, he was being completely innocent when he offered it. He wasn't planning on doing anything. Yang and I though...  
Ruby: So, the reason he was tired after yoga was because-  
Blake: And he ruined that room. And my butt. And Yang's chest. And pretty much everything. Jaune is rough when he's cutting loose, as I'm sure you know.  
Ruby: Oh gods...only Team RWBY huh?  
Blake: I guess we're all on the same page.  
Ruby: drops back on the couch ...Poor baby is probably completely drained.

Blake: No one would give him sympathy for it.  
Ruby: Oh noo.... and I told him I love him, too.  
Blake: Yang and I did, too. Probably not as... romantically charged, though. Well, no, that's not fair. He was giving me a massage at the time. I'd have married him in a heartbeat if he put his hands on my feet and had a ring ready.  
Ruby: Huh?  
Blake: I may be a Huntress, Ruby, but running in heels is still hell on my legs. No matter how good it makes me look.  
Ruby: Why do it, then?  
Blake: We all have to suffer for our beauty.

Ruby: I still don't understand lady stilts even after three years.  
Blake: How about this, Jaune wears boots with heels right?  
Ruby: Yeah?  
Blake: Did you see how he looked naked?  
Ruby: Yeah?  
Blake: That butt~?  
Ruby: ...Okay, heels are pretty amazing.  
Blake: So it is possible to teach you~  
Ruby: Ha! I like my butt exactly as it is, thank you.  
Blake: And so does Jaune.  
Ruby: And Weiss! She said the leather really helps show it off.

Blake: And that wasn't while she was deliriously riding a high called "Jaune"?  
Ruby: ... Um. He's... big.  
Blake: Trust me, Ruby. I know. Intimately. I have the marks to prove it. Still, in fact. Jaune is -very- rough. I'm not mad about it.  
Ruby: ... Oh gods, do I have marks? I didn't even look. I didn't think about it...!  
Blake: Squinting- Oh, you... you do. That's something I should have not- what happened to your -breasts- it looks like you got mauled by a Beowulf?!

Ruby: Jaune was very demanding! He told me and Weiss to do a lot of stuff and-and he really liked how we felt and he was saying how he thinks about us all the time and-  
Blake: But your chest! Look at it!  
Ruby: Oh gods, I hope these don't stick.  
Blake: I'll DEFINITELY need to keep this in mind the next time we're with Jaune.  
Ruby: I-i guess so...Um, speaking of...  
Blake: Yeah?  
Ruby: Who...who goes next? Is there, like, an order to this or... something?

Blake: That's . . . A good question, Ruby. One we can ask him when he's rested.  
Ruby: Is it weird that it doesn't sting? It's kind of nice...  
Blake: I like it rough, but I think you may take the cake and eat it too, Ruby.

Ruby: Hehe, I-i guess I am a bad girl.  
Blake: The baddest bitch~  
Ruby: smiling Thanks Blake.  
Blake: Any time Ruby. gets up to leave We should talk more. This was fun.  
Ruby: thinks about something and decides to go for it Wait, Blake!  
Blake: Yes Ruby?  
Ruby: Blake... you're really popular, like a lot?  
Blake: I suppose?  
Ruby: Everyone thinks you have an amazing butt, you know?  
Blake: smiles I know Ruby, it doesn't bother me, don't worry.  
Ruby: Y-yeah, but, Sun, that Illia girl, that Adam guy and Yang. That's a lot.  
Blake: Sure.  
Ruby: So, I'm wondering, since we're all sharing everything today...can...can I...  
Blake: ...You want to kiss me?  
Ruby: blushing I-i just want to...understand a little. If you don't want to that's fine!

Blake: Feeling curious. You know I've been with your sister and Jaune, that won't bother you?  
Ruby: I... I guess not.  
Blake: You sure?  
Ruby: Nods, nervously. I want to.  
Blake: Okay... just don't change your mind and bite me or something. Steps in closer, feeling strangely awkward as well.  
Ruby: I- I wouldn't! Looking up slightly at her, doe-eyed.  
Blake: Pausing.  
Ruby: Worrying her lip.  
Blake: Gods she's cute--  
Ruby: Darts forward, covering Blake's lips with her own and promptly starting with the frenchest of kisses.  
Blake: Eyes widening.

Ruby: gets right to cleaning Blake's tonsils, her tongue exploring everything it can  
Blake: ears are going haywire as she tries to recompose herself, her own tongue moving much more calmly  
Ruby: wraps her arms around Blake's back, her right hand sliding downwards  
Blake: holds Ruby's shoulders, trying to steady herself

Ruby: Grooope~!  
Blake, startling forward into Ruby's grip: Well, they really are sisters, after all...  
Ruby: Fondle-fondle--  
Blake: I'm still a little sore from earlier with Jaune and Yang. Gods, am I really about to do this? ... probably.  
Ruby: Mnn~ eek!~  
Blake: Hello there, seems you still have a little bit of a mess inside... Squish, squirm, wriggle, rub.  
Ruby: A-aah... B-Blake... !

Blake: Even though you look so innocent you're actually quite the pervert, aren't you? adding a twist  
Ruby: Aaah~! Blake, p-please...!  
Blake: Please what Ruby~?  
Ruby: Ah! I don't-I don't kno-Auh!  
Blake: licks her cheek We really need to hang out more~

Ruby: F-ffnn- aaaah-  
Blake: Just add Weiss and today will have been a very revealing day... Roll~  
Ruby: Hn-nnn!  
Blake: Gods, you make such cute noises~

Meanwhile:  
Weiss: ... This is good hot cocoa.  
Jaune: Better believe it.  
Yang: What even inspired this? Not that I'm complaining.  
Jaune: Oscar only ever had powdered stuff. And- well- when you have one cup, you kind of have to have two. I was just... Glancing at Weiss with a blush.  
Weiss: Smirking behind her mug.  
Yang: ... Nooo. NO WAY.  
Jaune: Wishing his hair was longer again so he could hide behind his bangs.  
Yang: Ahahahah! I don't know who needs the high five more! ... Wait- Sudden realization. WHAT?  
Weiss: Blinking. That was an extreme mood swing. What happened?  
Yang: You were still able to go after me and Blake?!  
Weiss: Almost about to take a drink, stops herself just in time. WHAT?

Jaune: playing with his hair Uh, y-you and Blake were first.  
Weiss: WHAT?  
Yang: looking down at his crotch ...What are you made out of?  
Jaune: using a palm to hide his face  
Weiss: You dominated me, after having had a threesome with Blake and Yang, you still were able to dominate us both until we both couldn't move.  
Yang: You said both, I'm hearing both, I'm thinking I know what both means but I'd rather not think about both but both is bad right now and-

Jaune: . . . It wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare.  
Weiss: ... I am frankly too flabbergasted to be upset. In a way, it's hilarious.  
Yang: Oh my gods... Jaune, I'm still sore. How.  
Jaune: ... Big aura?  
Weiss / Yang: Looking at one another.  
Weiss: We accept this logic.

Jaune: hides his face behind his hand again  
Yang: Heh, it is kinda funny we all had the same idea today.  
Weiss: I suppose in it's own weird way it makes sense. Being teammates who are so close we're all bound to end up with similar ideas thanks to osmosis.  
Yang: Still...looking Weiss up and down how was it able to fit?  
Jaune: embarrassed whining

Weiss: He was well lubed.  
Yang: Groaning.  
Weiss: VERY. Well lubed.  
Jaune: Whimpering.  
Weiss: Most men would be proud of themselves, you know.  
Jaune: I'm waiting for all of you to kill me.  
Weiss: ... Jaune, no one is going to hurt you. If anything, Yang and I are -praising- you.  
Yang: More amazed, really...

Jaune: Can you kill me anyway? As a favor to me?  
Weiss: Oh hush, you slept with an entire team, both times during threesomes. You're living the dream of most men.  
Jaune: Then why do I still feel immense embarrassment and want to bury my head in sand.  
Weiss: Because I'm talking about Ruby and I lubing you up to Ruby's sister, who you also slept with.  
Yang: I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ANY SPECIFICS.

Jaune: GROAN.  
Weiss: That at least explains why you were so forceful and commanding, though. You were still riding the high of losing your virginity- and to two exceptionally beautiful women.  
Yang: Huh? Uh- thanks, Weiss?  
Weiss: You're welcome.  
Jaune: Muttering. It also helped that I thought I was dreaming.  
Weiss / Yang: ...  
Weiss: So that's how you'd like to act around us?  
Yang: ... I learned something new about you today, lady-killer. Well, lots of things. But that was the most interesting, by far.

Jaune: You can't blame me! How else was I suppose to rationalize what was happening? One minute I'm normal, single Jaune and the next minute Blake has her butt on my crotch, Yang's got her boobs on my back, Ruby's dressed like something out of a porn and Weiss is playing with my dick! How likely is any of that?!  
Weiss: ...It does seem rather far-fetched when spoken out loud.  
Yang: Guess we all just always found you hot and you just did a good job of showing that off today.  
Weiss: Exercising shirtless would get anyone riled up.  
Yang: Yeah, it's his own fault for being hot.  
Weiss: Agreed.

Jaune: Jaw agape.  
Yang / Weiss: Nodding their heads at one another.  
Jaune: I feel used.  
Yang: Used? Jaune, I thought we wore you out like a good pair of boots.  
Weiss: ... Wait, speaking of, where are Ruby and Blake?  
Yang: Blake went to go settle into the dorm with a book, and...  
Weiss: Ruby was exhausted, so I guess they're both in the dorm. Resting, probably.

Blake: Huff, ahn, hnnr- prrr~  
Ruby: Tongue deep in a different part of the Faunus.

Yang: Yeah, I... uh, I can imagine.

Jaune: Ugh...you know what, I'm going to bed again. Maybe I'll wake up and it'll turn out this really was a dream. starts to get up and walk back to his dorm  
Weiss: grabs his arm Now hold on just a second.  
Jaune: What? Is the torture not done yet?  
Yang: Come on Lady-killer, don't leave like this.  
Jaune: Don't call me Lady-killer. I'll get used to it and feel disappointed when you go back to Vomit Boy.  
Yang: squishes his cheeks with her hand Oh, don't be a whiner. You gotta sleep with a good mindset. Think of all the good things that happened. You lost your virginity and you slept with four girls who all love you.  
Jaune: muffled because of his cheeks getting squished Thew yuth?  
Weiss: ...We can prove it right now.  
Jaune: Vath tho yuth meanth?  
Yang: let's go What do you mean Ice Queen?  
Weiss: Well, we all had a threesome today...so why not end it with another one?  
Jaune: wide-eyed ...How horny are you-  
Yang: I'm in.  
Jaune: What?!  
Yang: Are you kidding? We're the complete opposite sizes and personalities. That sounds like an absolute blast in the bedroom!  
Jaune: I don't believe this. I actually don't believe this!  
Weiss: Besides, as I said before, Yang is an exceptionally beautiful woman.

Jaune: I- wh- nnhuu- fhsufpi?  
Yang: You freezerburn'd his mind, Weiss.  
Weiss: He's under a lot of stress, it's understandable.  
Jaune: HUH!?  
Weiss: I think it's a great idea. We'll call it a bonding exercise. Besides. Then we'll have worked up an appetite and we can all go have dinner.  
Jaune: ... Just the dinner part alone is enticing.  
Yang: Yeah, for real. That sounds like a plan. Let's do this and then go get Blake and Ruby and go out to eat to celebrate.  
Jaune: Wait, you're both serious?  
Weiss: Why would we not be?  
Jaune: Because...  
Yang: You can't actually think of a reason, can you?  
Jaune: I can't think at all right now.  
Weiss: Glances down. Probably because you like the idea.

Jaune: I REALLY need to work on my self-control.  
Weiss: Please... don't~  
Yang: does the same on his opposite side It's better this way~  
Jaune: Oh man...pulls them in  
Yang: Oh~ hand on his chest  
Weiss: Hehe~ hand on his abs  
Jaune: sigh If this is a dream I hope I never wake up from it.  
Both: Agreed.  
Jaune: Having said that, if this somehow is actually a dream..crouches down and lifts them over his shoulders  
Both: Hey!  
Jaune: a crazed smile on his face I'm going full caveman!  
Yang: Oh boy.  
Weiss: I think he's snapped again.

Jaune: Easily carrying them over his shoulder.  
Yang: Is it weird that this is doing it for me?  
Weiss: If it is, we're both strange.  
Jaune: Swat!  
Yang / Weiss: Mnn! / Ahh!  
Jaune: Your dorm is off limits, so is our's... How about a shower threesome? Sounds fun.  
Yang: I like where his head is.

Ruby: Huff, puff, pant, sigh.  
Blake: Deep breath. Was it what you hoped for?  
Ruby: Trying to hide her face in the covers, flushed bright red.  
Blake: And she goes right back to shy and adorable...

Ruby: W-well, I... certainly didn't expect all that to happen.  
Blake: You mean that tongue and the groping and then the fingering and then the sex?  
Ruby: D-don't list it all out please.  
Blake: getting close and holding her Don't regret it, do you?  
Ruby: N-no, just...kinda embarrassed.  
Blake: That's fine. I was nervous the first time I was with a woman too. It's fine.  
Ruby: Is it bad...to say that I still like guys a lot?  
Blake: Specifically, one guy in particular~  
Ruby: Y-yeah, this was fun though and...I wouldn't mind doing it again but...maybe with Jaune too?  
Blake: Aw, I'm not enough for you~?  
Ruby: No! You're great Blake! You're beautiful.  
Blake: smooch You're so cute~

Blake: But yes. I don't think Jaune would complain. And I have to say I'm still very partial to men as well.  
Ruby: Flushed. Nnnnaaaaauh-  
Blake: Adorable.  
Ruby: You probably never say Yang is adorable...  
Blake: Oh, no. She is. She's a complete and utter mess half the time.  
Ruby: Yeah... it's kind of sappy.  
Blake: She'll figure it out. Or- well- weirder things will happen.

Ruby: What could be weirder then all this?  
Blake: Hmm...I suppose Weiss could suddenly come by and say she's always wanted to sleep with me.  
Ruby: The seems weirdly possible at this point.  
Blake: Or, maybe I get both you and your sister all to myself~  
Ruby: shivers Ew.  
Blake: I bet if Jaune was there too you'd be fine.  
Ruby: Nothing will make me fine with my sister and me in anything.  
Blake: I suppose that's something to test out for later~  
Ruby: Please don't.  
Blake: Just teasing, Ruby.  
Ruby: Let's go hit the showers and then find the others.

A minute or two later-  
Ruby: ... Um. Blake.  
Blake: Yes, Ruby, I know.  
Jaune: Balls deep in Weiss while Yang is getting eaten out by the Schnee princess.  
Blake: Today has been strange.

Ruby: ...So...  
Blake: sigh ...Might as well.  
Ruby: Sweet, just keep Yang away from me!  
Blake: Ugh...

Meanwhile:  
Oscar: laying down, looking at the ceiling Nora, Ren, is it hard to be an adult?  
Ren: laying down next to him on his right Depends on the situation.  
Nora: laying down on his left It can be pretty amazing though. Sometimes something completely unexpected happens that just makes life so much more interesting.  
Oscar: Pfft, more interesting then a voice in your head telling you to save the world?  
Nora: Hmm, maybe not, but it can still be something! Like...maybe Jaune-Jaune gets a harem!  
Ren: exasperated sigh We talked about this Nora. Jaune's not getting a harem. Those women were no more romantically viable then fangirls.  
Nora: People sleep with their fan girls.  
Oscar: That's a bad thing though?  
Nora: You're still a kid Ozzy. You'll learn that romance is way more complicated and nuanced then just good and bad when you're older.  
Ren: Besides, how likely is it that Jaune would ever suddenly get a harem.  
Nora: Bet.  
Ren: No.

Oscar: ... Is it a bad time to talk about the fact Weiss grabbed Jaune from getting hot cocoa?  
Nora: What?  
Ren: Huh?  
Oscar: Weiss came and got Jaune while we were drinking hot chocolate. I don't know what she wanted, but she took him off somewhere and- well- it must have been urgent because they ducked into RWBY's room.  
Ren: ... Nora, have you seen RWBY all day?  
Nora: Not since I was talking to Yang earlier- Nooooo. You don't think? Grinning.  
Ren: It would be nice if she'd finally made a move.

Nora: Yes, I knew something had to happen! Jaune-Jaune finally has a real girlfriend!  
Ren: Well, we can't be sure of anything until we actually see them again, otherwise we're just working with hearsay.  
Oscar: So many people dating suddenly.  
Nora: Don't worry, you'll find someone to love someday~  
Oscar: That's not it. I guess I don't really...see what the big deal is? I don't know, seems like dating is kind of a hassle right now. Can't we all just be friends?  
Ren: That's not enough sometimes Oscar. Sometimes romance is the only possible option left.  
Oscar: Guess it's another adult thing.  
Nora: pets his head

Ren: Though, yes. You can also just be friends. But we've all been together for almost four years. Feelings develop, regardless. Nora and I have known each other almost our whole lives, after all.  
Oscar: I guess that's true. Either you'd end up like a brother and sister-  
Ren: Wincing.  
Oscar: - or you'd feel romantic feelings towards each other, right?  
Nora: Right. It just took a lot of time. Glaring at Ren.  
Ren: ... Wincing more.

Oscar: I guess it's one of those things that only make sense to people who have actually experienced it. Maybe if I'm ever in love suddenly everything will just click.  
Nora: That's the spirit!  
Ren: Still, if Jaune is dating I hope he doesn't go overboard.  
Nora: Afraid he'll try so hard to make it work that he accidentally ruins it?  
Ren: I suppose that's a good simplification. I want Jaune to be happy but I also want everyone to be happy in the end. The last thing I want is a messy break-up to bring down the entire mood.  
Oscar: Actually, I think you're all fine.  
Ren: What do you mean?  
Oscar: I mean, it's like you said, almost four years together and you've all stuck through thick and thin. I don't think even if you all broke up it would do anything permanent to your friendship. You all mean the world to each other and you'll always be there when it matters most. That's just what I think anyway.

Ren: That was beautiful, Oscar. You're really coming into your own.  
Nora: Group hug!  
Oscar: Oh gods- Huggklr.

Jaune: ... What just happened.  
Ruby: Mnn~ love you~  
Weiss: I'm fond of you as well.  
Yang: I don't sleep with just anyone.  
Blake: Purring.

Jaune: ...shrugs and smiles Love you all too. So, we still on for dinner?  
RWBY: Uuuggghhhh.  
Jaune: blink Huh?  
Ruby: Jaune, I can't move.  
Weiss: Walking might actually do more damage.  
Yang: Lady-killer, I was honestly worried at points that you'd actually kill us.  
Blake: Hiss!

Jaune: ... Uh. Order a pizza?  
RWBY: Groaning affirmatives.  
Jaune: Someone got their Scroll near the bed?  
Weiss: Pulls it from the nightstand. YOu're calling.  
Jaune: Got it.

Later:  
Ren: Six large pizzas. What's the occasion?  
Jaune: Just seemed like a good time to celebrate, you know. Things have been feeling pretty good lately.  
Ren: Fair enough, anything in particular that filled your spirits up?  
Jaune: takes a slice Oh, just bonding stuff. I feel like I'm closer to my friends then ever.  
Ren: smirks I'm sure. So...you finally have a girlfriend then?  
Jaune: pauses mid-bite Uhhhh...Ahem In a manner of speaking.  
Ren: Jaune, we're not upset. This is great news.  
Jaune: Ehehe...it is great news just... it's something I never thought possible, that's it.  
Ren: Jaune, of course you were going get a girlfriend at some point. You're a good looking guy.  
Jaune: mumbling Doesn't that sound familiar...

Jaune: I'm gonna take four of these to RWBY's room. The other two are for you guys.  
Nora: One of them is mine, the other is to split between the boys?  
Jaune: Yep.  
Nora: You're the leader for a reason, Jaune-Jaune.  
Jaune: Yuuuuup.  
Ren: Not going to eat with us?  
Jaune: I... will be back in the room in a little bit. I have to hash some stuff out with the girls.  
Nora: Salutes. We knew you well, fearless leader.

Ren: I do not envy him.  
Oscar: Welp, I guess we'll see if what I said is actually true or if I was just being optimistic.  
Ren: Let's hope for the former.  
Nora: It's four against one so we better hope hard! downs a slice

Jaune: Knock knock We got pizza girls. Can you move?  
RWBY: muffled whining  
Jaune: ...That a yes?

Jaune: ... Taking that as a no. Alright. Just like he taught you. Extends his aura to open the door. Neat. Pizza, girls. .... Have you not even gotten out of bed?  
Weiss: Feed us.  
Jaune: What am I, your slave boy?  
Blake: After showcasing how NOT submissive you are?

Ruby: laying on top of Yang Jaune, I'm sorry. But we had to sacrifice someone and there was only so much food to go around.  
Jaune: I bought four pizzas so I'm pretty sure you didn't need to sacrifice Yang at all.  
Ruby: We'll have to eat her pizza in memory of her-GAH! pushed off and drops to the floor  
Yang: I'm hungry, feed mate before the tiny one speaks again.  
Jaune: I leave for five minutes and you've all devolved so much. I am so disappointed.

Ruby: Oww. My already sore ass.  
Yang: Snickering. S'what you get for using me as a pillow.  
Weiss: Rolling her eyes, but laid half-way across Yang and Blake.  
Blake: Please tell me one of those has chunk tuna on it.  
Jaune: Had to pay extra, but yeah.  
Blake: Marry me.

Jaune: Definitely considering it. opens the boxes on the edge of the bed and bedside table and starts putting slices on plates  
Ruby: crawls back up, laying on her stomach Uhhhh, pizza please.  
Jaune: hands a plate to Blake, going over Ruby Here you go.  
Blake: Thank you.  
Ruby: No fair...  
Jaune: another plate to Weiss Enjoy.  
Weiss: Thank you Jaune.  
Ruby: This is actual torture.  
Jaune: and to Yang And the for the lady with perfect hair.  
Yang: Charmer~  
Ruby: I hate you. I never loved you. You're the worst.  
Jaune: cups her butt  
Ruby: Eek! ...Aaaah~  
Jaune: hand feeds her And for the little rose with the sore ass.

Yang: Mn- are you using your Semblance to heal her ass?  
Jaune: Yes?  
Weiss: ... You could have just let her have it- wait, you could have made it better for all of us!  
Jaune: I could have, yes. _He chewed a slice himself._

Ruby: Soooo goood~  
Jaune: feed her more pizza Just relax Rubes.  
Blake: Did you leave the bruises on purpose?  
Jaune: No**pe**. I honestly hadn't considered doing this at all until Ruby said her butt hurt so I just cupped her and decided to see what happens.  
Weiss: You're doing the same for all of us.  
Jaune: Cupping your butt and hand feeding you pizza?  
Weiss: No-Well, that actually sounds very nice but I meant using your Semblance on us.

Jaune: You're incorrigible.  
Weiss: I'm still slightly achy, even though it's been half an hour.  
Yang: AND we have aura. You're -rough- lover-boy.  
Jaune: E-err... sorry. Actually chastised.  
Blake: It's fine. You've been pent up.

Jaune: Was it... was it that obvious?  
Blake: Oh yes.  
Weiss: You didn't hide it well.  
Yang: If anyone needed to get laid it was definitely you.  
Ruby: has her arms wrapped around his waist You're a naughty boy~

Weiss: Much naughtier than Ruby.  
Ruby: Hey!  
Jaune: Feeding another slice to Ruby. Girls, please. I'm already having a crisis of self here.

Weiss: You're naughty Jaune, and there's nothing wrong with that.  
Jaune: Don't just say that.  
Blake: Again, considering all you did to us.  
Yang: You're like a piston that's set to Max settings, especially when you're REALLY in the mood.

Jaune: Hiding his face behind a palm again.  
Ruby: Rubbing his back. We love you. I just- well- am kind of surprised that all the other girls were into that idea, too... Kind of silly, isn't it?  
Weiss: I went on a date with him, what are you even talking about?  
Ruby: WITH Oscar?

Weiss: calmly eating Still more than any of you.  
Blake: We did yoga together a lot.  
Weiss: Still not dating.  
Blake: I think that's better than dating in a lot of ways.  
Yang: He taught me how to give a massage, that's pretty intimate.  
Blake: He taught you exactly one thing and then we seduced him when we saw how hard he was.  
Yang: It's still something.

Jaune: ... Girls. Are... you fighting over me?  
Blake: A little bit. / Weiss: No?! / Ruby: Yes! / Yang: Kinda.

Jaune: genuinely reeling I'm...not sure if I like it or not.  
Ruby: reaches up and wraps him in a hug No worries Jaune, I'll hug you until your head's cleared up.  
Jaune: returns it without thinking Thank you.  
Weiss: She's trying to get ahead!  
Yang: And we can't even move right now. That's underhanded Sis.  
Blake: I'm actually kinda proud of her for this.

Blake: ... Wait, Yang?!  
Yang: What? Blonde kittens, Blake. Think of it.  
Weiss: Those are my blue-eyed SCHNEE children, thank you.  
Ruby: Patting Jaune's head. There there~  
Jaune: ... I'm trying to process this and I think I just can't.

Ruby: smooch Better now?  
Jaune: I mean, I liked it but I'm still very confused.   
Ruby: proceeds to covering his face in kisses  
Yang: So what, you want Jaune all to yourself?  
Weiss: My children deserve a strong father. Besides, you're dating Blake. You're being greedy.  
Blake: Love is suppose to be free Weiss.  
Weiss: Not when it comes to this!

Jaune: Whispering. Ruby, I'm scared.  
Ruby: Muttering. To be honest, I am, too. This got very complicated, very fast... I didn't even think Blake or Yang were interested in you. Weiss, yeah, I thought there was some competition, but...  
Jaune: ... I- uh- maybe I'm to blame for that?  
Ruby: What? No!  
Blake: Actually, yeah, this time Jaune might be a little to blame.  
Jaune / Ruby: ? ? ?  
Blake: I was just teasing Yang and... well... Jaune's hot.  
RW-Y: Amen.

Jaune: I've never been so scared of a compliment before.  
Blake: I'll admit, I don't really know you as well as any one else here but you are very easy on the eyes and I'm genuinely interested in getting closer to you.  
Weiss: You're just going with whatever you're feeling.  
Blake: In a way, but so are all of you. Can anyone hear besides maybe Ruby say they really know Jaune well enough say they love him?

Weiss: We've gotten much closer lately. Maybe not as close as we -should have-, to my... consternation, but we've actually spent time together. Which is impressive, considering our busy life schedules.  
Ruby: The sad part is, Weiss isn't wrong.  
Yang: We really do need to hang out more.

Jaune: I mean, I'm not going to complain about getting closer to my friends. Honestly, it's been nice learning new things about you all.  
Blake: nods You actually indirectly gave Ruby and me a ... bonding moment.  
Ruby: blushing Ehehe...  
Yang: Is it the same kinda bonding Weiss and I did?  
Jaune: Oh, speaking of, sorry about what I did by the way.  
Weiss: What, the whole over-the-shoulder, taking what you want thing where you spanked us?  
Blake / Ruby: What now?  
Yang: We were into it anyway. You're very attractive when you're confident. Well, you're always attractive but you're especially attractive when you're confident.

Ruby: I mean, I knew that part-  
Blake: I feel cheated.  
Yang: It was -very- nice.  
Weiss: Hums in agreement. Wait- Don't distract me!

Ruby: pouting I wanna be spanked.  
Jaune: pets her head You're too cute to be spanked.  
Ruby: Don't say that!  
Weiss: Wait! We still need to discuss what really matters here. Jaune!  
Jaune: gives her his full attention Weiss.  
Weiss: blushes immediately Who do you...want to have kids with?  
Jaune: Uhhhhh...Hmmm...hugging Ruby like a stuffed animal Huuuuuh...

Yang: Sneakily holding up four fingers with waggling eyebrows and a grin.  
Jaune: Four?  
Yang: Facepalm.  
Weiss: Not HOW many, WHO.  
Jaune: U-uhh...  
Ruby: This is kind of nice. I could get used to this, for sure.  
Blake: ... I like where Yang's head is at.

Jaune: Uh, hey, maybe we should finish the pizza first-  
Weiss: Jaune!  
Jaune: Ah! hugs Ruby tighter  
Ruby: Mmm~  
Blake: points at all the girls  
Yang: raises four fingers again, mouthing their names  
Jaune: ...All of you?  
Weiss: Ah!  
Yang / Blake: _hi-five_

Weiss: That's- it's- you- we- ah-  
Ruby: Babbling much like her partner.  
Jaune: Realizing what he said, and how it looks- and promptly burying his face in Ruby's hair.  
Ruby: Squeak.  
Jaune: She smells like roses and chocolate...

Yang: I know you called me greedy Weiss but Jaune's on a whole other level~  
Blake: I suppose we'll just have to learn to share.  
Weiss: But- b-but- I don't-  
Yang: Oh relax Weiss, we've all slept with each other anyway.  
Jaune: burying himself deeper because MAN that's a strong image

Ruby: Eep!  
Yang: What's up, sis?  
Ruby: Jaune is!  
Jaune: Groan.  
Yang: Of course h- oooohhhh....

Weiss: completely flustered You're unbelievable!  
Blake: You're telling me. Do you have a condition Jaune? Because this seems almost hazardous at this point.   
Yang: Regular weapon of mass destruction~  
Jaune: whining  
Ruby: squeezes him tighter I don't mind, I was just surprised!

Blake: He had to get those seven sisters somehow.  
Jaune: Groaning. I swear, I didn't used to have this issue...  
Ruby: I feel bad for Pyrrha. If he was this horny at Beacon, she would have had a much more ... enlightening time there.  
Weiss: You're having sad thoughts, Ruby. Stop it.  
Ruby: Er- yeah. Right!  
Blake: So~  
Yang: I'm thinking a girl. Just one is plenty.  
Weiss: Are you- well, I would of course plan to have at least three...  
Jaune: ... What is my life.

Ruby: I don't really care how many kids we have as long as we're together.  
Blake: You really are surprisingly romantic Ruby.  
Ruby: M-maybe a little.  
Jaune: I never really thought about how many kids I would ever have. Being raised with such a big family, making that family even bigger was the last thing I really wanted to think about.  
Blake: I suppose I was the opposite then. I'm an only child and I always wanted siblings so having children is something that's always somewhat been on my mind.

Yang: Having met your Mom, I understand why.  
Jaune: Blake's mom?  
Ruby / Weiss: Perking up.  
Yang: Yeah. Total MILF- Oww!?  
Blake: Giving Yang a wry look while retracting her fist.  
Yang: Hey. I'm just saying. Good things in our future if you end up at least as hot as your mom- OWW?!  
Jaune: And I thought I put my foot in my mouth.

Weiss: I highly doubt I'll inherent any of my Mother's more robust traits. Winter seems to have gotten all of Mother's genetics.  
Ruby: Are you upset?  
Weiss: Not particularly. I like my figure and I don't mind my shape. Besides, I hate bras so I'd rather not have to shop for them.  
Jaune: You don't wear a bra-  
Ruby: You're going to break your zipper, babe.  
Jaune: surprised Babe?  
Ruby: Y-yeah, babe. Is that bad?  
Jaune: amazed I'm someone's _babe_...

Weiss: I prefer to wear a corset, anyway. Helps slim my figure an-  
Ruby: You don't have to hold me up, Jaune. There's no hidden weapons on me!  
Jaune: IT'S A NATURAL REACTION, RUBY.  
Ruby: Hehehe~ It's kind of fun to tease him.  
Blake: So little time spent together, and I'm already rubbing off on you.  
Ruby: Bright red.  
Yang: Oh my gods.

Blake: What I said finally settling in?  
Yang: Yeah. Did you really have to sleep with my sister?  
Blake: Did you have to sleep with Weiss?  
Yang: But Weiss isn't your sister. I mean, I'm not mad I'm just...a little weirded out.  
Blake: If it makes you feel better, Ruby was the one who started it. Ruby and you are definitely sisters with how aggressive you both can be.  
Yang: And I don't want to hear anymore, thank you.  
Jaune / Weiss: I want to.  
Ruby: I'm excitable...  
Blake: smiling

Jaune: That's only to be expected from you.  
Ruby: Flustered nerd noises.  
Jaune: ... But yeah, I guess we should really talk about this.  
Yang: As long as we keep sly of Ruby and me.  
Jaune: Wasn't my idea. Just- y'know- Ren and Nora are...  
Blake: Thinking you finally have a girlfriend.  
Jaune: Flustered.  
RWBY: Finally.

Jaune: They were...kinda relieved I think. Like, me having a girlfriend was something they were really hoping for.  
Yang: Nora actually talked with Blake and me for a few minutes. She wanted us to tease you and give you something nice to look at. She loves you a lot.  
Jaune: I love her too. And...I kinda get why she's so insistent.  
Ruby: But she doesn't have to worry anymore.  
Weiss: You are not allowed to be moody and standoffish anymore.  
Yang: If you do we'll need to punish you with affection and sex~  
Blake: Don't test us, we will do it, with impunity.  
Jaune: flustered again I guess I need to be careful then.  
RWBY: Right.

Jaune: I haven't been... standoffish, have I? I thought I was doing better.  
Weiss: You have been. You've been kind of pouty, but that's to be expected with everything going on. And CERTAIN people haven't been helping.  
Blake: To be fair, we opened up a lot. Ruby and I had an actual discussion.  
Weiss: Before you had sex.  
Yang: Guh.  
Jaune: Flushed.

Weiss: Though Yang and I weren't really any better. We also had a discussion which then lead to sex.  
R-BY: In the showers.  
Weiss: Correct. Which also showed me how delicious Yang tastes.  
Blake: Like citrus and vanilla.  
Weiss: With a slight hint of strawberries.  
Both: low-five each other  
Yang: ...I feel a weird mix of flattered and concerned.  
Jaune: picks up Ruby  
Ruby: Oh!  
Jaune: Okay, before we go down anymore rabbit holes let's heal those bruises first. moves onto the bed Good way to test my semblance anyway. puts Ruby down, between the other three

Yang: This should be interesting.  
Blake: It'll be the first time he's used it on any of us but Weiss.  
Jaune: Get in close, girls. Time to see what happens when I try to pass it like a chain.  
RWBY: Curling in together.  
Jaune: Hands settling on Weiss and Yang, the two outermost girls. White glowing enveloping them all.  
Blake: Huu...?  
Ruby: Nn.  
Yang: Haa--

Weiss: Mmm~ I missed this.  
Jaune: Everyone feeling alright?  
Blake: Better then alright~  
Yang: You been holding out on us, Lady-killers~  
Ruby: held back moaning  
Jaune: Just tell me when you think you're fully healed. Just relax.  
RWBY: grab his arms  
Jaune: Huh?  
RWBY: pulls him closer  
Jaune: Wah!

Blake: You healed our aches, time for us to heal your's.  
Jaune: ... Uncle.  
Yang: Nope. No mercy.  
Ruby: Mhn!  
Weiss: I concur.  
Jaune: Gulp.

Ren: Cuddling with Nora.  
Nora: Today's the best day ever.  
Ren: Hm?  
Nora: It's been a long time since we got to just, y'know, take it easy. Not feel the weight of the world on our shoulders, y'know? Jaune especially.

Ren: I has been a long while, hasn't it? We didn't need to worry about Jaune at all. He's happy.  
Nora: And so are we. We even got a little closer to Oscar today.  
Ren: And you possibly broke his spine~  
Nora: He'll live! But... I'm really happy that Jaune's alright Ren, that we're all alright.  
Ren: kisses her forehead Me too. And things will only get better.  
Nora: You really think so?  
Ren: I do.

**Happy Harem Ending unlocked**

000000000

Two months later.  
Yang: ... Aww, shit.  
Blake: Huh?  
Yang: We- uh- we may need to get Jaune. And Ruby. And Weiss.  
Blake: What's going on? Are you okay? Do we need to get our weapons?  
Yang: No. Probably better we- uh- don't have our weapons for this... Shows Blake.  
Blake: ... Oh my gods.

Jaune: You in position?  
Ruby: Yep!  
Weiss: Yes.  
Jaune: Okay. Annnnd...hip left, hip right, spin and point!  
Ruby: Hip left-  
Weiss: Hip right- You're hitting my side Ruby, keep the beat.  
Jaune: You're getting it though. Really feel that rhythm.  
Blake: kicks door in  
Jaune: ...It wasn't locked.  
Blake: Jaune, Ruby, Weiss! Come with me!  
Ruby: What's wrong?! Grimm attack, Ozpin's back, Uncle Qrow's drinking again, Uncle Qrow's drinking again and with Weiss's Mom?!  
Weiss: Please tell me it's not the last one-  
Blake: Yang's pregnant!  
Ruby: WHAT?!  
Weiss: ...Oh.  
Ruby: What, when, why?! I thought we were-  
Jaune: holds Weiss and Ruby's shoulders Yang first, nervous breakdown later.  
Weiss: ...Your heartbeats racing.  
Jaune: Yep.

Ruby: Palms sweating.  
Jaune: Knees weak, but- uh- leadership training.  
Blake: Grabs Jaune bodily and drags him along.  
Jaune: Hurk!?  
Ruby / Weiss: Look at one another and shrug, before rushing after, Ruby a lot more excitedly than Weiss.

Yang: Staring at the pregnancy test, settled on her bed. ... Fuck.  
Blake: KICK!  
Jaune: You're doing that on purposes, aren't you?

Blake: Yang!  
Yang: Hey Blake.  
Blake: pulls Jaune forward  
Jaune: You don't have to-! H-hey Yang.  
Yang: Jaune.  
Jaune: Are you... really...  
Yang: shows the pregnancy test  
Jaune: moves closer, crouching down to see it So it really is-Ah!  
Yang: pulls him down and hugs him Jaune...  
Jaune: wide-eyed before returning the hug It's going be alright.

Yang: Sob.  
Jaune: Rubbing her back. It's gonna be fine...  
Yang: I'm... I'm scared.  
Jaune: That's fair. What do you want to do?  
Yang: I... we can't... I just-  
Blake: It wouldn't be the first time we had to take a detour, Yang.  
Ruby: I can be an aunt! Excited.  
Weiss: We'll support you regardless. We all will.  
Jaune: Nods.

Yang: deep breath ... Dad's gonna kill me.  
Jaune: smiling Get in line. He has to kill me first.  
Yang: giggling but still shaken  
Ruby: Not unless Uncle Qrow kills you first.  
Weiss: Don't worry, he'll only maim you.  
Jaune: Gee, is that all?  
Yang: laughing into his chest  
Blake: smiles and wraps an arm around Yang I love you.  
Yang: I love you too. All of you.

Jaune: So, a girl, huh... Got ideas for names?  
Yang: Don't even ask me that right now. I'm stuck between wanting to hit you, wanting to cry, and doing everything all at once.  
Ruby: Hugging Jaune and Yang.  
Weiss: Joining in.  
Blake: Right after.

Yang: Just... don't leave me alone. Let's just stay like this for a while.  
Jaune: As long as you need.  
Nora: followed Ruby and Weiss, bouncing on her heels in the doorway  
Ren: holding her hand, not wanting to intrude  
Jaune: Yang?  
Yang: nods  
Jaune: nudges them over  
Nora: quickly joins the hug  
Ren: puts an arm at Jaune's shoulder and calmly settles in

**[Big ole group hug.]**


	18. Maneater Preview [Running]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preview of a scene in Maneater I'm wanting to get to and write, but I went ahead and wrote the scene itself.

**Maneater**

**Chapter ??**

**Never Again**

  
  


_ I’ll tell you now. I gave her up once. I’ll never do it again. _

_ _ _ Ever. _

  
  


**[FM-84 - Running in the Night]**

  
  


His boots hit the rooftop as fast as he could bear. The shadow on the rooftops ahead darting over gaps much the same as he did. The purple of her jacket only standing out against the two black forms hung at her hips.

For once, he focused. No more quips, no more playing around. If she left again, he wouldn’t be able to do it anymore.

“Blake!” He cried out for her, ignoring when her arm shifted in the darkness-

**KRAK KRAK!**

Gambol’s smaller caliber bullets pinged off of his Aura, Jaune not even bothering to dodge. That would slow him down too much- she already had a lead on him, and that was already too big of a deal.

_ I used to be the one- I used to be your getaway dreamer- _

He crashed into a roll as he completed a particularly large jump, coming back up unto his feet as she started to scale a higher building, his arm reaching out as he took another Aura-enhanced leap to close more of the distance.

His lungs burned, and his eyes teared up. For once in his life, Jaune didn’t care what happened to him-

“I won’t let you get away again!”

She slipped down into an empty lot, and he braced himself to tuck and roll again as he landed after her. A sea of neon lights and shadows engulfed the world around him, blurs that didn’t matter an ounce as his eyes stayed fixed on her back.

On her black hair flowing in the wind as she ran away. Ran away from him.

And damn him if he’d just sit there and cry about it this time. “Blake!” His voice called out for her, his arms kicking up extra forward momentum as he raced after her. Wishing he was more athletic than he was strong. He wasn’t even weighed down by any of his weapons for once, and here he was, still struggling. If Blake was good at one thing, it was running away. The stench in the wind was filled with regret-

_ Menthol smoke, the lotus perfume she wore when she wanted him to pay extra attention to her. _

-a regret he had no plan to allow to come to life. She scaled another building in a series of elegant jumps and flips, while he gave up any semblance of care and simply scaled it in two Aura powered leaps.

The  **Krak-Krak** of Gambol firing went ignored, the tough roof they’d chosen as the next kick-off point tore up with bullet holes while he drew nearer and nearer.

_ Her tears, asking him why he couldn’t be with her. His insistence that he would be with her forever. That he loved her, that she was the one he’d stay with forever if she’d just let him. _

_ _ _ That he wanted to start a family with her, even if he said it in the dirtiest possible way. _

Did she even know how much that meant to him, with how he had no family left? She probably didn’t, she could be dense like that. It was just another of her charm points, like her ears or that sly smile she’d give him when he called her beautiful when she was just waking up and her breath smelled like ass and death.

She poised for another leap and he tucked low and launched himself--

_ I’m running in the night so soon- I’ve got a lot left to lose- _

_ I’m leaving it all behind, Running in the night with you- _

_ I won’t let you get away again- _

_ We can see it through till the end- _

_ But whatever we do- _

_ I’m running in the night with you. _

It was only the fifth or sixth time they’d started to take a tumble together, though perhaps it was the third that they were actively scuffling as they did so. Her fist crashed into his jaw and he held on for dear life as they plummeted to the pavement below and both landed with a pair of anguished gasps as their Auras flickered from the impact.

  
  


x+x+x+x+x+x

**[----]**

Her head hurt, the jarring impact of the pavement disorienting even with her Aura. Her eyes refocused and saw him straddled atop her.

“Blake!” His voice entered her ears, and she turned her eyes unto him-

_ His face, drenched in sweat. He always looked at her like she was the only one in the world who mattered to him. That scared her, and excited her in equal measure. Never like Adam, though. Adam had looked at her like he owned her. _

_ _ _ Jaune looked at her like he’d die without her. _

A bleary elbow was swung, and rather than block it or dodge it like she knew he would have otherwise, he took the hit with another groan of his Aura. His hand came away from her middle, grasping her bicep and pinning it against the ground beneath-

_ She always reached over him in the morning, to grab a cigarette from the bedside table. She knew her breasts pressed against his bicep, and it always made him just a little bit more smarmy when he’d look at her like a goddess while she lit up. _

_ _ _ If she wasn’t usually sore after they had sex the night before, she’d fuck him again. _

Her back arched, heeled boots planting against the ground before she got leverage to bring her knees up and try to kick him off, but he was stolid and strong- using all of his weight to stay on her.

_ She’d looked into his eyes when she was leaving, saw the way he broke on the inside. If she hadn’t been riding the high of her own hurt feelings, it might have made her stay. _

_ _ _ Instead, she cried herself sick in an alley on the lower end of town. She’d wanted to go back within an hour, but she’d been stubborn- she’d been stupid. _

_ _ _ She left town to try and get rid of the memory of him, but every bed and every place she found to sleep after him never felt the same. No warmth, no dumb grin when she woke up next to him, no hot breakfast and an even hotter man. _

His stance adjusted, his legs moved to plant his knees on either side of her hips and his legs to lock over her thighs. He had his weight on her and that meant while she was on the ground, he had the advantage. The problem is--

_ She didn’t want to go. _

She didn't want to go.

_ She wanted to stay with him- to be with him. _

She wanted to stay with him. To see his stupid face when he’d look at her naked in the morning and probably think to himself what a lucky son of a bitch he was to get to keep her.

_ He said he wanted to have kids with her. _

She cried softly, beginning to sob as she curled in against his chest and let the tears flow. After a few moments, he began to hold her close in turn.

Because she wanted that, too- and it scared the actual hell out of her.


	19. Ozpin is Fucking Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too cracktastic to not have posted it.

(Yang and Weiss meet back up with the group- truncated the parts related to the other silliness we were doing (Basically Weiss and Jaune start dating back in Beacon when Weiss realizes Jaune is too dense to know why her being Weiss SCHNEE is even relevant).)

Yang: Moves over to Weiss and Ruby. ...  
Ruby: Let's go of Weiss and immediately hugs her Sister.  
Yang: I love you.  
Ruby: I love you too.  
Weiss: Smiling. I'll go help-WAH! Pulled into the group hug.  
Jaune: Thinking everything over.

Jaune: Smiling.  
Weiss: Too tight-tootight-  
Ren: Smiling, glancing at Nora.  
Nora: Smirking, whispering. One more and the gang's almost back together...

Ren: Nods.  
Oscar: Uh? Hi?  
Weiss: Blinking.  
Yang: ... Congratulations. I knew you two would adopt.  
Nora: Motherhood is great!  
Ren: Eye roll.  
Oscar: What?

Oscar: ... Wait, what-  
Nora: Congratulations! You're our son now.  
Oscar: Wait, what??  
Jaune: Better get used to that one. You can blame Yang.  
Yang: ... Uh?  
Weiss: ... As long as he isn't ours, I guess. We have legacies to create heirs for.  
Jaune: Oh gods.  
Ruby: Muttering. My silver eyed babies...

Jaune: Yang, what have you done.  
Yang: Wow, only been back for five minutes and I've already greatly improved your quality of life. I really am a miracle worker.  
Jaune: Sigh. Is the food ready?  
Ren: Nods.  
Jaune: Alright.  
Nora: Hey wait. If we adopted Oscar...does that means we adopted Ozpin?  
Oscar: What is happening?!  
Weiss: And what about Ozpin?  
Jaune: Oh, you guys are gonna love this...

Yang: I HATE THIS.  
Jaune: THANK YOU!  
Weiss: Grabbing Jaune by the hoodie.  
Jaune: Uh?  
Weiss: I'm not dealing with this right now. Come with me.  
Jaune: Erk-!?

Ruby: Heading to the bar to find something to drink.  
Yang: AND WHY DID YOU TURN THEM INTO BIRDS?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  
Ozpin: I'm inside a young boy's body without his consent and you're angry about me doing something that is only beneficial?

Nobody:  
Absolutely Nobody:  
Everybody: WHY WOULD YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT!?

Ozpin: What? It's true.  
Qrow: Gods fucking damn it.

Jaune: No, you know what. You're right, Weiss. I was frustrated before, now I'm livid.  
Weiss: Aww yiss- ... Wait. On a scale of Pumpkin Pete to Blake's wardrobe, how much of a sad boy have you been?  
Jaune: Blake's wardrobe with no white?  
Weiss: Ruby!  
Ruby: ... U-uh?  
Weiss: You've been a good girl?  
Ruby: ... Really desperately wanting some tequila. Uh...?  
Weiss: I will allow it.  
Ruby: ... Allow... allow what?  
Yang: ?  
Weiss: Come along- Hand out towards her.  
Ruby: ... Don't play with my heart.  
Weiss: Eyebrow raise, wiggling her hand.  
Jaune: ... What's going on?  
Weiss: Shh. Sad boys don't get to talk, only happy boys.  
Jaune: ???  
Ruby: Petalbursts.

Weiss/Jaune: WOO!/Wah?!  
Yang: ...What happened while we were separated?  
Ren: Same as usual.  
Nora: We got into a fight with a crazy scorpion dude and Qrow almost died! And then we killed our trauma!  
Ren: Nods.  
Yang: Blinking. ...All I did was train with my Dad, ride across the kingdom and bad-mouth my Mom. And I actually thought the robot arm would be the highlight.  
Ozpin: ... Oscar was also cornered by a large, muscular man who used force in front of us and got us lien for the train.  
Everybody: ...  
Oscar: ... What's Ozpin been saying? He suddenly panicked.

The group is facing down Salem and suddenly, Ozpin just pipes in inside of Oscar's head. "Let me take over for a moment, please."

Salem: Glowering evilly.  
Ozpin: Takes over. Salem.  
Salem: ... What do you want, Ozpin?  
Ozpin: My own body back- but you. I want Us together again.  
Everyone: ... What.  
BABY COME BACK starts playing.  
Jaune: What is...what is this?  
Ruby: I don't know.  
Weiss: It's stupidity.  
Ozpin: Baby come back, any kind of fool could see  
There was something in everything about you-  
Nora: Well, he's on key.  
Ren: Grooving unashamedly.


End file.
